The Sleeping Monster

Hi everyone,
Here is an audio update on where I am regarding my journey back to food. You can listen to it on my Utterz player on the right or you can find it here. I would love any feedback you have.

xoMichellexo

Feast Breaking Day 6

Photo by Spitfirelas' on Flickr

I have been so busy that I haven't been on the computer at all. I spent the whole day working the fundraiser garage sale and then to my son's baseball game and shopping and then home to collapse in bed. It was a long day.

I have been thrilled with eating. I am adjusting to bringing food with me instead of juice and I am definitely getting the hang of it. It is so exciting to reintroduce myself to foods again, especially things I was missing while juicing. I am so content with the flavors and the textures of the food. Pure joy!

Today I had:
Orange, pineapple, celery, spinach smoothie - I am still getting used to the smoothies after juicing. I am not entirely in love with them yet. I think adding a 1/2 of a banana will help immensely.

Massaged rapini with olive oil, garlic, red onion, sun dried tomatoes, tomatoes, avocado - OMG!!! This was absolute heaven. I love broccoli rabe so much and this is divine. I brought it with me to the garage sale and was in the garage eating it when one of the women said, "What is that smell?" Ha ha, I went out and ate it so the smell didn't overpower everyone. They all said it smelled good though. It was so good.

Strawberry spinach salad with avocado and strawberry dressing- This was a little blah. I never made the dressing before and it was kind of boring. I didn't have a lot of time to play around with it because I was running out the door. I will definitely work on it though because it has potential.

I have been pretty full. My stomach can't hold as much as it used to so I don't really feel like eating much in between meals. In fact, I still have some prunes left over that I brought with me to have as a snack but I wasn't hungry for them.

I have noticed quite a bit of energy drop since breaking the feast. It seems that by about 8:00 I am spent. I also had some strange pain in my back. It is in the same place as my gallbladder pains in the past so I am thinking it is that. I was a bit worried last night that it was going to get worse and go into a full fledged gallbladder attack but it didn't. All of the sudden the pain just melted away. Yay!

I did a final weigh in and I am down to 137.5. That makes the total weight loss 36 pounds. I am very happy with that. I hope to continue to lose weight and shift it around. I would like some more muscle and a little less flab. That is for stage 2!

I have found that planning ahead is really helping me with my busy life and with going back into eating food again. I have been thinking about 1 day in advance for some things and 1 meal ahead for others. I made the rapini the night before so it had time to marinate. It feels very similar to the juicing because I really can have the whole day's food ready each morning. Fabulous.

I am having some terrible breath though. I can taste the garlic and onions in my mouth for HOURS! I don't even want to talk to anyone in case the have to breath my breath. :o) I read on Raw Food Talk that putting mint in your drinking water and liquid chlorophyll helps with this. I think I might try both of them. At one point it seemed almost like the taste was pure chemical. I actually asked my husband if he could smell it? It smelled a bit like spray paint of something. Of course he said no so it may have been a bit of detox on my part. How cool is that. I am detoxing while eating food. Must be all that garlic and greens!

I have decided that I am going to stop my daily posts here on this blog and switch back to my original blog. I created this one strictly for juice feasting so I don't want to start posting about raw food etc. If I have anything interesting about juice feasting I will continue to post it here but most of my posts will now be at Michelle's Raw Adventure. I hope you will join me there!

Feast Breaking Day 5

Photo by Jiggs on Flickr

I really wish I had a camera. I tried to take a picture of my salad with my phone today but it was a crap picture. I got a new camera for Christmas and I dropped it in January on vacation and it broke. Ugh. I would by a new one but I spend all my money on supplements and food :o)

My salad was AMAZING!!! I was so in love with it. I made some guacamole and used it as a dressing on my lettuce and I made salsa and put it on top. I put a few sliced olives on top and viola, deliciouso!!! I ended up not being able to eat as much as I thought so I ate the rest at dinner time. I was very satisfied and happy.

I had my favorite green juice for breakfast, spinach, celery and orange. I got in a 1/2 lb spinach and a half head of celery so I was feeling pretty good about that. I don't think I got a full pound of greens in though. I definitely think that I am going to need to do 2 liquid things a day to get that much in. I will have to have a smoothie, juice or soup otherwise it will be very difficult to get a full pound, even with a half pound in one drink. I could probably have a smaller juice for a midday snack and I would be fine.

I have to admit that my energy level is way down. I can feel that my body is having a hard time adjusting to the food. I am having an underlying heartburn that I am hoping will stabilize over the next week or so. I have been so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open. In fact, I can't wait to crawl in bed again tonight. I know it doesn't make for exciting blogging but oh well. Such is life.

Feast Breaking Day 4

Photo by Hellfire8888 on Flickr

Feast breaking seems to be going better today. My stomach seems to be feeling a bit better even though I am eating the same things as yesterday. Today I had:

3/4 quart orange, pineapple, spinach smoothie
Strawberries
Orange
Prunes
1 quart romaine, celery, tomato, garlic, onion kelp juice

I am not sure I really like smoothies anymore. They may be a bit too thick for me after all the days of juice. I really did not enjoy it as much as I remember enjoying them before the juice feast. I think I would much prefer a light juice.

Today was a rather lazy day. I took it easy, read a little, watched tv. Went to the park with my son and some neighbor friends, and went to my son's baseball game. I made dinner for my kids tonight too. My husband had already cooked the chicken breasts ahead so I made baked potatoes and a big salad. My teenagers decided they wanted their chicken warmed up and mixed in with their salad. I am getting the raw foods into them.

My younger two children ate at a friends house and they had bratwursts with maple syrup. Eeew, that is so gross. I couldn't believe it. I mean what are you supposed to do when someone is kind enough to watch your kids for you but feeds them like that? Oh well, I gave my kids chicken so I guess there isn't too much difference.

I am soooo excited about salad day tomorrow. I went to the store and bought tomatoes, onion, lime, and cilantro. I have avocados that are perfectly ripe so guacamole will be on the menu. It is amazing how much I am anticipating this salad. I hope it is as good as I am building it up to be. I told my husband that if I wasn't talking with David everyday that I would have just gone ahead and had the salad tonight but I am trying to be good and follow the rules so I am sticking it out. I guess it is good to have someone keep us on the straight and narrow.

I can see that I am feeling a bit hyped up and obsessive about food. I am hoping it is a temporary thing that is happening while I adjust. I am thinking that as soon as I am able to eat regularly again this obsession will dissipate. If not, I will have to do some work on it.

I am sooo tired that I can't wait to collapse in my bed. Nighty night.

Hot Guys

So Hanlie made a post about the most handsome guys and I thought I would play along. I was really surprised at how hard this was for me. Once I got past my number one heart throb I was pretty clueless. I really struggled and honestly could only come up with 4 and then the last one popped into my head at the last minute. I spent a long time on this which is crazy but anyway, here they are in order of my excitement. :o)

Number 1 - Brad Pitt
He is it for me. When I told my husband I was making this post and he asked, "Who did you pick besides Brad Pitt?" I have always had a thing for him. I only like him clean cut though. I am not a fan of him when he is long haired and scraggly.

Number 2 - Matthew Mcconaughey
Come on, he is a sexy guy's guy and I love it. He has a sparkle in his eye and a little devilish about him that is irresistible.
Number 3 - Colin Farrel
He is my bad boy pick. I have always had a thing for the proverbial bad boy and he does it for me in that department.
Number 4- Patrick Dempsey
Here is a guy that has gotten better looking with age. He was cute when we were young but now he is hot.
Number 5 - Johhny Rzeznik
I know, another bad boy look. What can I say? I remember being with some friends on a trip years ago and one of his videos came up and I said something about how cute he was and my friend said, "He's too dirty for me." Ha ha, I guess I must like dirty.

Feast Breaking Day 3

For my first meal that wasn't prunes I decided to go with a big bowl of strawberries. OMG they were divine! I can't even tell you the flavor burst that happened in my mouth. It was like fireworks going off. I closed my eyes and started mmmmmming away, enjoying every bite. Pure heaven.

Breaking this juice feast has been a series of ups and downs for me so far. It seems strange to be eating just fruit but oh so enjoyable and then I have to remember to get my juice in or a smoothie. I feel like I am spinning a bit and it is strange. The last 83 days before this there was a routine. I knew I was going to be having...well, juice. That's it. I didn't have to think too much about it. It was juice, juice, juice. I am looking forward to getting settled in a routine after breaking this feast so that it becomes a bit easier.

With the 4 means to get your greens you only have 4 options and one of them is less than appealing to me so I think it might make it even easier for me. Once I figure it all out I should be able to ease into a simple routine for most of my days. The way I am not really looking forward to is green soup. I have never been a fan of the glogginess of green soup. I am going to try again a few times since I have learned with juice feasting that my taste buds can adjust rather quickly and who knows, I might even enjoy it now.

My stomach has been having its own ups and downs the last few days too. It is a mystery as to why certain things cause troubles and others don't. For instance, today I had a bowl of strawberries, no problem. Later I had an orange, no problem. Then I had a smoothie/juice and whoa, my tummy was not enjoying it. You would think that since it was blended I would be fine but no. I also had some more prunes later and some peppermint tea to soothe the stomach.

I pretty much spent the evening on the couch after that smoothie. It was a nice night out but I didn't care. I fell asleep watching TV and couldn't bear to get myself moving. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Only one more day til SALADS!!! I can't wait!

Being "Normal"

Today I was driving down the street and the thought occurred to me that I would probably never be "normal" again. What I mean is that I wouldn't be eating a diet that is considered normal in this culture. I would be somehow different, always on the outskirts of society. I mean let's face it, eating is a big deal in our world.

About 10 years ago my cousin spent 6 months living at the Optimum Health Institute in San Diego. She healed herself from her imbalances she had and then she came home and began eating "normal" again. As far as I know she is still well. On Easter she said something to me that has stuck with me. She said that once you begin eating this way (raw and living) you realize how different you are from everyone else.

So this thought hit me today in the car and I started thinking how unfair that is and how I didn't want to be different. My mind was a swirl of thoughts like, "Why can't I just eat like everyone else?", and "I just want to be normal." And then, a car came up on the left side of me and passed me. I looked over and I saw a young man driving the car with what looked like his mother in the passenger seat. They didn't look horribly heavy or unhealthy but they didn't look that fantastic either...they looked normal. We got to a stoplight and I watched as the young man lifted up a TWO LITRE BOTTLE of some kind of soft drink and started glugging it down.

And then I looked to my right and there was a "normal" looking man taking his last drag from a cigarette and dropping it out the window. I sat there watching it burning as it lie on the running board of his truck. Suddenly visions of all the people I have ever seen in fast food restaurants mindlessly stuffing their faces with dead food popped into my head.

It was in that moment I realized that "normal" is crap! When it comes to health and vitality, if I strive to be like everyone else and fit in with the crowd I may find myself loaded up on multiple drugs, depressed, overweight and still sick. Oh wait, I've been there and done that! I've gone the normal route and it hasn't given me anything I want.

So now I will boldly explore a new route, a new way of living out of the norm. A way that leads to health, vitality, confidence and joy. This way has given me a new outlook on life so I won't let that old voice in my head brainwash me back into the flock of the mindless. Isn't it amazing how the Universe showed me such truth in that split second of doubt? I mean really, how often do you see a guy driving a car chugging a two liter bottle of pop?

Breaking the Feast
Yesterday I posted my video but I didn't really talk about anything else so I am going to do it today. I had 1 1/2 quarts of a green powdered drink before eating my prunes yesterday. I also had a green vegetable juice afterwards. I didn't finish the prunes. They were making me nauseous. I only ate half of them.

I took a cascara sagrada pill later that night since I didn't move anything out on my own. I've taken 2 more today and lo and behold I had some success in that department tonight.

Today I had 2 quarts romaine, leaf lettuce, celery, tomato, garlic and more prunes. I was able to eat almost the entire portion of prunes today and I didn't feel as sick as I did yesterday so that is fabulous! I am having quite a bit of gas and some grumblings in my tummy but I am actually thinking the grumblings is from the cascara sagrada.

I had my hour long yoga class today that was amazing as usual. As I drove home I had the windows down and was enjoying the beautiful warm weather and feeling the sun on me and I was overcome with this sense of complete joy. It was so overwhelming that I began to cry. I was so happy and at peace. I just know that I am on the right path.

OK are you ready for this? Hanlie ate prunes on the same day as me! We didn't talk and we didn't know that the other was planning on doing it. Isn't that amazing? I have often said that we are so much alike in so many ways and I think this is just another way that we are connected across the world. I am so glad we shared this part of our feast together!

So tomorrow is juicy fruit. I am going to try to keep it to berries so I don't have too much sugar. I have a bunch of strawberries and I think I will pop out and get some blueberries or blackberries. I so wish I could just skip ahead to salads. I am dying for a salad. Ha ha, I will get it. Just 2 days away.

Surprise!!!

Day 83

Juices in order of consumption
1 liter powdered greens in water

1 quart celery, carrot, lettuce

1 quart celery, cucumber, apple, lettuce

I am still having a really hard time getting these juices down. I am gagging and hating them. I don't want to have the fruit juice because it isn't agreeing with me.

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ??

Sleep
9 hours

Supplements
None - I didn't want to take anything that might upset my stomach

Exercise
None

Physically
Heartburn is dying down. I can tell that it is still there under the surface but it's not horrible. Because I went about 29 hours without any juice I was feeling pretty tired and a bit dizzy at times but it really wasn't too bad. After taking the juice I was getting waves of nausea and feeling less than good. Not bad enough to keep me home though.

Emotionally
In the midst of my water fast I had a lot of anger that came up for me. I was pissed at everyone and everything for about 30-45 minutes. I felt like punching someone. After that was over I was in a good mood. We went to Taco Fresco which recently opened. My husband had a burrito and I watched. It was my idea because he LOVES Mexican food and I wanted him to try it. It didn't bother me in the least. After that we went to see a movie.

Cravings
None

Ramblings

Today was a baseball day for me. It was fun to watch my 10 year old out there on the field. The weather was pretty OK. When the sun was out it was nice and when it wasn't it rained. Ha ha, it wasn't freezing though so we weren't complaining.

Not much else to report. I will catch up more tomorrow.

Self Sabotage

Photo by Formfactor on Flickr

I created an audio post for today. It is ten minutes long and talks about self sabotage. You can access it in my green Utterz Player on the right side of the page. I am really looking forward to getting your feedback on it.

Have a great day!

If you can't find the audio on the player to the right you can access it here.

Day 82

Hi everyone,
I am keeping it short tonight. Last night after posting I got a pretty good case of heartburn. It was quite disappointing at this point since I had been free of it for such a long time. I believe it was the large amount of fruit juice that I have been consuming in the last few days.

I really couldn't bring myself to have a vegetable juice this morning so I made a combination of pineapple, goji berry, celery and spinach. I finished about half of it before the heartburn kicked in again. I decided that I was just going to skip juice all together for today so that is what I have done. Just water.

I have a pretty good headache at this point. I probably should hit enemaville but I am just too tired to do it. I have to get up early tomorrow and I have a busy day so I think I will just hit the hay and plan on doing it in the morning. Hopefully I will be up for some juice tomorrow so I can keep up with my busy schedule.

Hope you are all well. xo

Day 81

Photo by Chantal Foster on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart orange, celery, spinach

1 quart celery, pineapple, mango, romaine

1 quart celery, pineapple, mixed salad greens, mango, mint

1 quart celery, orange, romaine, lemon balm

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 142

Sleep
7 hours

Supplements
MSM
Probiotic
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Vitamin D
Cayenne

Exercise
10 minute walk

Physically
All this fruit juice is making my tongue a bit wonky. No sores so I hope it stays like that. I am not used to so much citrus, pineapple and natural sugar. I am surprised I am not more sore today. I feel pretty good.

Emotionally
I was on top of the world today. The weather was so delicious and it made me so happy. I caught myself taking deep breaths of joy all day. It is amazing how much the weather can affect my mood. Love it!

Cravings
None

Ramblings
I went to a local garden store today called The Growing Place. I love this place. It is so cute. I brought my little guy with me and we had fun walking around looking at all the birds, plants, and yard art. I wasn't planning on buying anything because the prices are higher here. I just wanted to get some ideas.

I found out that they have a service they offer where you can bring in photos and dimensions of your yard and they will help you design it. You get a 20 min. appointment for free and if you need more help you can pay $40 for 1 hour. I am definitely going to do it because I want to put a border in my back yard and I don't really know what to plant. I want a mixed border with grasses, flowers, herbs and veggies. I can do the work myself but I want help with the design. So cool.

I ended up buying this basket of salad mix. They said I can keep cutting it back and eating it until July. I also bought some herbs that I am going to put in a container. I got mojito mint, creeping rosemary, lemon balm, and sorrel. I plan on getting basil and cilantro too but they weren't ready just yet.

I got home and made two juices with my new bounty. I cut a bunch of my lettuce and combined it with my mint and I put some lemon balm in the other. It was so cool making juices this way. It gave me a little boost of excitement which I can definitely use at this point.

I have a question for all of you out there. It's something I have been pondering a lot lately. I have begun getting a bit lax with my self care. I haven't been skin brushing as much as I should and I have even skipped showering some days. I am so much cleaner that I don't really need to shower everyday but I guess I feel like I should be doing the contrast shower and skin brushing everyday. I also stopped putting on the coconut oil.

My question is why do you think some people tend to stop doing things that are good for them and are actually enjoyable? I know so many people who actually enjoy certain things like I enjoy skin brushing yet don't make it a priority. Why would we not make time to do things that are positive and that we like? It doesn't make sense yet it happens everyday all over the world. I would love to get some insight on this from all of you brilliant people out there.

Day 80

Photo by Kentigern on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, orange, spirulina

1/2 quart leaf lettuce, sugar snap peas, garlic, onion, celery

1 quart pineapple, celery, Boston lettuce, mango,

1 quart orange, celery, romaine, chlorella

I have officially developed an aversion to my savory green juice. I can't stand it and I can't seem to finish it. I have tried for the last three days and it is just making me sick. I will stick with the sweet juices for a while and see what happens.

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ???

Sleep
6.5 hours

Supplements
MSM
Probiotic
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Vitamin D
Cayenne

Exercise
Ab exercises
1 hour yoga
10 minute walk

Physically
I am still waking with that groggy feeling each morning. I am hoping the DHA supplement I ordered will help with that. It seems that so much of what I have suffered from can be traced back to a DHA deficiency. DHA is an essential fatty acid. All the types at my local health food store were from fish oil so I ordered a brand online that is from algae. I can't wait for it to get here.

My body is still sore from working out on Monday! Ugh! I worked through it though and got moving. Probably need to do some more cardio but hey, it's better than nothing.

Emotionally
I am in study mode. I have been reading and listening to files for hours on end. I wasn't good about keeping up with all the info on juicefeasting.com so I am trying to get a lot done. This has left little time for emotions.

Cravings
None

Ramblings
Day 80!!! Only 12 days to go! Woo hoo! Watching Ben's prune eating is getting me ready for some juicy prune action of my own. I can't wait to eat food again!

I think my husband is a supertaster. Well not really since I went to the Wikepedia and read it. He fits the profile except he likes beer, chili peppers and has recently begun to like spinach. He does really hate lots of vegetables though. I have eased him into putting spinach in his smoothies and now he likes spinach salads. I have been encouraging him to get a bit more variety and today he told me that he has been choking down his romaine lettuce so he is not enjoying it.

I went to the grocery store and got him some Boston lettuce and arugula to try. I knew the arugula was iffy but I thought that since my husband likes spicy he might like it. No deal. He was gagging and spitting. I put it in my mouth to try it and I have to tell you it was hard to spit it out. I loved it and had dreams of eating it in a salad. Mmmmmm. Hopefully he will like the Boston Lettuce.

So, speaking of going to the grocery store. I have two really funny things to tell you about. Every Sunday my husband goes to Costco to stock up for the week. He gets romaine lettuce, spinach, pineapples, etc. This Sunday when he was checking out the guy asked him if he owned a restaurant. Ha ha. He said, "No, just a big family." He had 6 boxes of spinach, 4 pineapples, 3 cases of oranges, and more.

Today when I was checking out the girl asked me if I was going to eat all of this stuff. She said normally when people have this much lettuce and vegetables they say it's for their turtle! That is so funny to me. I am now like a turtle. :o)

One thing I have noticed on this juice feast is that I have blown through a bunch of different greens and juice combinations. What I mean is that after a while of drinking a certain juice I suddenly can't stand the taste of it anymore. Here is a list of things I once loved and now begin to gag when I just THINK about them:

• Kale
• Bok Choy
• Swiss chard
• pears with greens
• apples with greens
• berries with greens
• cucumber skin in juice

It's a good thing I only have 12 days left. I don't want to run out of things I can drink. The thing is I want to eat these things as food, just not as juice. I am sure I will be able to juice them again some day.

So that's it. Nighty night everyone!

Blog Appreciation!

I have a little surprise for you all today. I recorded an audio message. It is in the sidebar to the right under the graphics for the Nice Matters Award. I hope you enjoy it.

Day 78

Photo by Hold that Tiger on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart orange, celery, spinach, spirulina

shot flax, evening primrose oil

1/2 quart celery, tomato, romaine, garlic, onion, chlorella

1 quart orange celery, spinach

While consuming the second juice of the day I was overcome with nausea and had to stop half way through. I felt a bit sick for a while. I decided to go with a second quart of my favorite juice of the day so I could be happy. :o)

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ??

Sleep
7 hours

Supplements
MSM
Probiotic
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Vitamin D
Cayenne

Exercise
1 hour yoga
1 mile on treadmill
Weight training

Physically
Other than the nausea I felt good. I was a bit fatigued from the treadmill but I know it will get better the more I do it. It feels good to be working my body more. I should have started a lot sooner. Now I just need to keep it up...now I WILL keep it up.

Emotionally
I am doing pretty good today despite the events of yesterday. I think the workout gave me this inner strength that has helped. Mostly I am feeling pretty good. I am trying to spend some time reflecting on events and how I am feeling about them but I am also trying to stay present with what is going on in the moment too.

Cravings
None

Ramblings
After my yoga class I approached the instructor and asked her if she had any suggestions for exercises I could do to improve my stomach. She took me out to the different stations and showed me 4 ab exercises, 3 leg, and how to use a pull up machine. It was a bit sad how weak I was and I know she was surprised. She said, "You've got a lot of work to do." Ha ha, no kidding. I was really grateful that she took the time to do it so I can continue to work on it.

My oldest son did not come home again today. He stayed at his dad's. I called him to see how he is doing and he seemed a bit short and had a headache so I hope he is OK. He said he is coming home tomorrow for which I am grateful. We need to talk.

My second son played his first baseball game today since getting his cast off. He was so excited. He texted me in the middle of the day to tell me he couldn't wait to play. He was so disappointed when he didn't start (so was I) because the coach told him he would. He didn't get in until the 5th inning so he was a bit disappointed. He had a great hit his first time at bat, stole a base and made it home. Yay!!! He struck out the second time at bat. I promise I won't tell you about every game :o)

The last few days of the juice feasting website have been about vegetarianism and the impact it has on the environment, our bodies, our spirits and our souls. There is so much fantastic information there and I have a deep understanding of the truth in it. It all make perfect sense and there is a part of me that can't seem to say, "I am a vegan. I will never eat meat again in my life." I can say that I will eat a raw, vegan diet but that isn't permanent.

For the most part I don't even want to eat any meat. I am not drawn to it with the exception of my homemade meatballs in the pasta sauce I make. Other than that I can't think of meat that I would want to eat.

As a kid I didn't really like meat all that much either. It wasn't until I started dating my first husband that I started eating lots of meat. I don't know what it is that is keeping me from making the decision to BE a vegan. I have to start making decisions about how I am going to eat when I finish this feast. I am 14 days away from breaking my feast and I think it is a good idea to have a plan.

I am committed to continuing a strict raw diet for the summer for sure. I think it will allow me to continue to detox and clean out and will help my body. I enjoyed eating raw over the summer the last time and I think it is so much easier. I want to continue to eat raw in the fall and winter etc and I don't want to feel as if I can't have an occasional soup or something. Of course there is always the idea of one day at a time and I think that philosophy will transfer from the juice feast to my permanent eating lifestyle.

OK, I really am rambling now. I need to get to bed.

Day 79

Photo by Accrama on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart celery, spinach, pineapple, mango, spirulina

1 quart celery, tomato, romaine, garlic, onion, kelp

1 quart celery, orange, pineapple,

1 quart orange, celery, spinach

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 141.5

Sleep
7 hours

Supplements
MSM
Probiotic
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Vitamin D
Cayenne

Exercise
20 minutes walking

Physically
My body is aching from all of my exercise. Woo! Other than that I feel good.

Emotionally
Emotionally I felt upbeat and positive today. Things seem to be going back to normal around here and I like it. My schedule has picked up now that my son is back to baseball. He has 6 games this week. I haven't felt frazzled at all. I think it is because I don't have to worry about food for the family. All I have to do is make my juice and go. I imagine things are going to change when I have to prepare my food. I don't think it will be too bad though because I can just whip up a salad easy enough. My hubby is OK with continuing with meal prep until I get settled so that is fantastic.

Cravings
Pizza. The kids had it for dinner and it smelled so good.

Ramblings
Penni left me a comment yesterday and I wanted to share it with you all because as usual her words resonated with me.

When I went to Successfully Raw in NYC, I heard a lot about giving up the whole percentage of raw concept. Karen Knowler especially told us to stop it with comparing ourselves..."What % of raw are you? 75%, 85%, 100%?" She said we should all focus the big picture and what is going to work best in each of our individual lives. Somehow that felt really empowering and freeing. I think we must just set our intentions on what is going to be realistic and leave a little room for those rare and special times when we want the meatball treat.

It is so true that I am still caught up in the "all or nothing" approach to eating. I can't seem to wrap my brain around the fact that it is OK to eat a bit of this and a bit of that as long as I am eating well overall. I am hoping this will come in time because I don't want to get frustrated and give up like I did before. You know, as I typed that I really don't think it is a possibility that I could just go back to the way I was before. I really feel like I have grown so much that that is not even realistic. How awesome is that?!

So my juice feasting buddy Ben is breaking his feast today. He posted a video of him eating his first prune. There were so many! Ugh. I don't know how he ate them all. He is so funny he just cracks me up all the time. I am so glad he is a couple of weeks ahead of me. I have enjoyed watching him reach his milestones.

My oldest son is back home today. He got his braces off so I get to see his pearly white smile which is so bizarre after years of metal mouth. He isn't feeling well so we haven't talked too much. I am going to let things go for a bit. We seem to be on good terms though. He just went to bed and thanked me for coming to his volleyball game. I'm not sure he's ever done that.

I have stayed up way to late studying the juice feasting site. I need sleep!

Day 76 and 77

Photo by Rob N Watkins on Flickr

I fell behind on my blogging over the weekend. I went out on Saturday night with my husband and saw the Movie 21. It was nice to get out for a little break. We got home late so I went to bed and didn't post with the intention of posting on Sunday. I can tell you that I had 3 1/2 quarts of juice but I don't remember what they were.

Sunday was a bit of a rough day for me. My mom slept over while watching the kids and we were up in the morning and my oldest son who is 15 started giving me a hard time. He loves to fight with me, argue and generally go against everything I say, think, or do. I would say that is what 15 year old's do but he has been doing it since he was a small boy.

My mom was a little surprised and tried talking to him about it asking him why he was going against me etc. He of course had no answer and my mom finally gave up and left. I of course was left there with him. I was staying pretty calm, trying to focus on myself and not let it get to me. After a bit he went upstairs and things settled down.

I then went on line and checked his grades and it became apparent that he hasn't been doing his school work again and his grades are not good. Now, this is a kid who can get As just by doing his homework. He is smart. I got pretty upset and called him down. I started the conversation in a negative way and then he responded as such. I stopped, apologized for the way I started things, asked him to take a breath with me so we could start things over in a calm way. We were able to do that but things escalated.

In the end we were both responding unconsciously and it was ugly. He said he refused to study and he didn't care and if I didn't leave him alone he would stop going to school altogether. He said he would rather go to jail than to live with me. At this point I called his father (who doesn't live with me) and told him to pick him up.

While waiting for his dad to come we both had a good cry and were able to talk a bit but he left. His dad said he would call me after he talked with him and he never did. I don't know what is going on. I spent the day in my pajamas feeling pretty lousy.

I have a lot of mixed feelings around this. I of course want him to stay here with me and I want him to be happy and if he feels he can't do that here then I don't want to stop him from being with his dad. It is very difficult though so I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I realize that I am having a hard time staying in the present moment with this situation. I am either thinking about it or distracting myself by doing other things. Being conscious is so hard! Being a mom is so hard!

I know I had 4 quarts of juice and I could probably remember what they are if I tried but I don't really care and they are pretty much the same as every other day I have juice :o) Things will get better.

Day 75

Photo by jek in the box on flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart romaine, celery, garlic, onion, tomato, cucumber, kelp

1 quart spinach, orange, celery

1 shot flax, evening primrose oil

1 quart leaf lettuce, celery, mango, pineapple

1 quart Boston lettuce, sugar snap peas, carrot, garlic, onion

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ???

Sleep
8.5 hours

Supplements
MSM
Probiotic
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None

Physically
Nothing new to report on the physical front. My stomach has been most excellent lately. No problems at all. Woo hoo. I haven't been having much action in the bathroom again and if it doesn't pick up soon I am going to have to go to enemaville again.

Emotionally
I had a good day emotionally for the most part. I got a little frustrated today with my teenagers. They were off school and had sports practice and other events that I needed to drive them to and from. I felt like I was being a chauffeur which I don't mind but I felt like they were taking me for granted and not appreciating me. It left me feeling really upset and I found myself having an argument in my head with my oldest. Once I realized it I stopped what I was doing and got in touch with how I was feeling in that moment. I had a good cry and moved on. It was great to be able to do that.

Cravings
None

Ramblings
I started out my day talking to my online friend Hanlie on Skype. I was so excited to be able to touch base with her that way. It was great. I wish I could have stayed on longer but I had a play date scheduled with my kids at new place that just opened up called Airtastic. It is an indoor bounce playland. It was a great way to start the day.

I ended up hanging out with friends in the moments I had between driving all over God's green earth. That's it. That was my big day. Aren't you glad you tuned into my blog today to hear about that?

I am heading to bed early again tonight. It's not that I am tired but hubby and I are just going to relax and hang out. No, no sex, just hanging out :o)

Day 74

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, celery, orange

1 quart leaf lettuce, celery, tomato, onion, garlic, parsley

1 shot flax, evening primrose oil

1/2 quart romaine, mango, pineapple

1 quart leaf lettuce, celery, cucumber, cilantro, onion, garlic, kelp

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 142

I am going up and down and haven't lost weight in ages.

Sleep
6.5 hours

Supplements
MSM
Probiotic
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice

Exercise
Does good and long sex count?

Physically
About 4:00 I started to get nauseous. I was making a juice and when I finished up I started drinking it. I made it halfway until I just couldn't drink anymore. I was feeling so sick. I started to get worried that I was getting the flu or something. I made it through without throwing up and it passed in about an hour.

I have what feels like a sty in my right eye. I can't see anything there, no bump, but I remember getting them when I was a kid. I am retracing back to the age of 14 and I don't remember that being a big age for sties but who knows. I actually thought I was younger. I haven't had one in so long that I forgot about them until this morning when my eye hurt.

Emotionally
It's been a good day emotionally. I am feeling a bit antsy right now. I am also feeling a bit crazy, I don't know, goofy (must be the sex :o). I am antsy about food! I was sitting at the table drinking my gross GVJ while reading a raw cookbook. I was yelling out titles of recipes of all the good food I want to eat to my oldest son. Like, come on, doesn't that sound good? I want it. He was saying, "stop reading that. Why are you doing that?" I said I wanted to and I didn't care. See what I mean? Crazy.

Cravings
I'm not really craving the food, I don't know I guess I am. I'm feeling antsy! Bored! Ugh!

Meditation
Ha ha, I could use some but I didn't do any.

Ramblings
Something went wrong with my DVR and Survivor didn't record. The only show my husband watches and he missed it. He is bummed. They put the shows on the Internet so it looks like we will be able to watch it on the computer tomorrow. I don't think it will be the same as our 65" TV. I know, it's ridiculous to have a TV that big but the hubby loves it.

It has been so dark and rainy this week and today was the kind of day that makes you want to curl up and stay in bed all day. I have been taking my Vitamin D since there hasn't been any sun though so I've been a good girl.

OK, I am going to go yell at someone. I don't mean it in a bad way, I mean it in a goofy way. What's up with me. I need to expend some energy...oh honey, round 2?

Day 73

Photo by Fauto Digit on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, orange, celery

1 shot flax, evening primrose oil

1 quart romaine, celery, tomato, carrot, garlic, onion, kelp, spirulina

1 quart romaine, celery, goji berry, mango, pineapple

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ??

Sleep
6.5 hours

Supplements
MSM
Probiotic
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice

Exercise
1 hour Pilate's class

Physically
I am a bit tired today. My stomach feels good and other than that I am good.

Emotionally
Pilate's class was rough for me today. I just couldn't do it. I kept having to stop and rest and I was feeling like a failure. I caught myself and kept trying to boost myself up with positive self talk and being gentle with myself but I just wasn't having it. I had to choke back the tears several times.

When I got home I decided that I was not going to stuff whatever it was that was coming up so I decided to do a brief belief change to clear it out. Midway through it was painfully evident that I was in need of more than just a belief change so I stopped the audio and had a full out process. I was a bit all over the place, doing this and doing that but the results were amazing.

I realized that it was more than just the fact that I felt like a loser and a failure. It was that I was afraid to LOOK like a loser and a failure. I had this fear of it. I addressed the fear with my old friend, "what's the worst that could happen..." and I found myself cycling. I would get to the point where I was feeling confident and then something would come up and I would be back down in fear and failure. It became quite evident that this was a blaring pattern in my life.

Whenever I am just about to succeed at something, I quit or I change gears or whatever. I never see it through. I had this fear of success but it was more than that. I had this deep, inner belief that I wasn't good enough and I didn't deserve success. My dad popped up during this revelation so I did some work to clear out my negative beliefs and I installed a new, positive belief, "I can succeed at anything!." I cut any negative ties to my dad surrounding this issue, had complete forgiveness of my dad, and I forgave myself for blaming him for holding me back.

Once all this was complete I was able to complete the process I started out with and as usual I was left with a sense of peace and appreciation. It always amazes me when I do these processes that the strength of emotion that comes up can be so strong and I can be left feeling as if I have been washed clean.

That isn't to say this will be the only process I have regarding this issue. It may come up for me again from a bit of a different perspective. The cool thing is that I was able to reveal a major negative pattern that has been keeping me stuck and keeping me sabotaging myself.

Cravings
None - I am not having cravings per se. I am just wanting to eat food. I am tiring of juice a bit. I was telling Lisa that I catch myself singing, "I hate green juice in the morning..." sometimes. I know, it's not good but what can I say, it's true. I am not going to stop with just 19 days left, in fact I still don't have prunes in the house. I almost bought them the other day but then I decided I would wait.

Ramblings
There is nothing else to ramble about tonight. I am just going to go to sleep. Sometimes those big emotional releases can be tiring. Goodnight everyone.