Week 8 Review

Last night after my last post I spent a lot of time in reflection. I was up late and just trying to stay open. I went to bed still feeling confused and as I lie in bed I took off this new karma bead bracelet that I got and I went around to each bead and repeated, "Show me the way." From there I left it alone and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up at 8:00 and knew I should get myself in gear to go to yoga at 8:30. Of course I love yoga so it was wonderful and I left the gym feeling exhilarated and happy.


When I got home I sat down at my computer and here is the next 3 things I read:

1. Impatience is a sign of hurrying; hurrying is a sign of worrying; worrying is a sign of fear; and fear is a sign, Michelle, that someone has temporarily forgotten that it's never too late to change their thoughts and therefore their "things." And for these reasons, time will forever be on their side.
2. Success doesn't come to you – you go to it.-- Marva Collins
3. The following came from The Living Vision:
   I know that to get to where I am an expression of my essence, I must push and go beyond the comfort zone, to reshape my body mind, and chizle it’s form to be a proper dwelling place for the spirit it’s been entrusted to.

OK, OK, if the video last night wasn't enough I get it, I get it. I will stay! I will persevere! I will not allow myself to succumb to the Self Sabotage Loulou talks about in this post. I believe this may be what is going on here. I found this class a while ago and it struck something in me. I haven't signed up for it and I think now might be the perfect time to do so.


I realized that there is much about the juice feast that I haven't been following. I have not been eating the bee pollen, I have not been taking spirulina or chlorella, I have not been taking the MSM, and you all know I haven't been doing the oil. So, I am such a nerd that I created a spreadsheet with spaces for each meal and each supplement that I am taking so I can keep track and not forget.

I have a renewed sense of energy and I am reminded that everyday can be the first day of my life.

Today is the Very First Day of the Rest of my Life

This is the Beginning of a New Day.
I Can Waste It ... or Use It For Good.
But What I Do Today is Important,
Because I am Exchanging a Day of My Life For It.
Leaving in It's Place Something That I Have Traded For It.
I Want It to Be Gain and Not Loss,
Good and Not Evil,
Success and Not Failure,
in Order That I Not Regret the Price I Have Paid For It.
I Will Give 100% of Myself Just For Today,
For You Never Fail Until You Stop Trying.
I Will Be the Kind of Person I have Always Wanted To Be ...
I Have Been Given This Day to Use as I Will.

I want to thank all of you for riding my roller coaster with me...up and down, up and down. I want to thank you for your words of encouragement and your support because I truly, from the bottom of my heart appreciate it.

I want to talk a moment about the picture that I posted today. It was created by Mara Berendt. It is titled, Return Home My Angel. I think it is absolutely beautiful and something spoke to me in it. I see myself in that painting, soaring and flying free. Shedding this unhealthy and limited body for a new, vibrant and healthy body. One that is loved and honored and at peace.

Day 56

Photo by Scott Kinmartin on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, pineapple, orange, celery, coconut oil

1 quart romaine, orange, celery

1 quart romaine, cilantro, celery, tomato, Kelp

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ??

Sleep
8 hours

Supplements
Probiotic
Chanca Piedra
B12
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None

Physically
Nothing much to talk about here. It was a good day physically.

Positive changes
Same as it ever was

Detox
Same as it always is

Emotionally
It was a fun day with my family. The drive was nice and it was good to see extended family I haven't seen for a while. I have a new niece that I haven't seen yet. She is adorable and since I was the only one not eating I got to hold her during dinner. What a great thing.

Cravings
None really. Still an obsession with food that just won't let up. I thought I was going to be OK after yesterday's list-making but alas, I am still wanting food.

Meditation
None

Ramblings
So today was a big day for me in regards to this feast. I have really been struggling with staying on past 60 days. I really feel ready to come off and I feel as if my body would benefit from the addition of fiber.

On the drive home I had a long talk with my hubby and I felt like the end was coming. I have to say that there were points where I was overcome with feelings of guilt and failure for not going the distance. The funny thing is that I NEVER committed to going the full 92 days. I always left it open so I don't know why I am having these feelings.

Well, as soon as I got home I got on the computer and here is what was in my inbox!

Part of me was inspired and amazed at the synchronicity but part of me is pissed! I felt like I had finally made a decision and was dealing with it and then...I have coach God yelling in my ear telling me not to give up, to give my best, that even when it's hard and even when it hurts I can still push through it.

I am feeling the most confused I have ever felt and frustrated. I know I should listen to what is coming to me and there is a bigger part of me that is just done. The thought of moving on to the next stage is just so alluring. I want to, I want to!

I've been sitting here...just sitting here. I am lost.

To be continued

Day 55

Ultimate Peep Show

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, celery, orange, coconut oil

1 quart romaine, celery, tomato, cilantro, garlic, kelp

1 quart romaine, apple, celery, sprouts, kiwi

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 144.5

It is so much better waiting a few days to weigh myself because there is always a change. When I do it everyday there are days where there is no change and that is a bummer. So now I am down 29 lbs! I can't believe it. That's awesome!

Sleep
8.5 hours

Supplements
Probiotic - I have been doubling up or I guess I should say quadrupling up on these. I take 2 in the morning and 2 at night.
Chanca Piedra I have to admit, I haven't noticed anything since beginning to take this. I guess that's not to say that it isn't working, but how do you know? I am thinking about doing a liver/gallbladder cleanse anyway just to see. I don't know though. I am kinda scared.
B 12
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None

Physically
I felt pretty good today. My stomach is much better and I have good energy.

Positive changes
Skin smooth
Lost 29 lbs!
Nails seem to be getting a bit stronger. Green, but stronger
Eyes shiny
I am beginning to glow again today

Detox
Coated tongue - It's just as bad as day one and some days worse. Sore is gone though.
Bumps on arms and legs
Wounds still taking FOREVER to heal
Lump of mucus in back of throat

Emotionally
I woke up feeling a bit out of sorts this morning. I was just feeling down and a bit sorry for myself. I decided to spend some time with myself in the bathroom. I took a nice hot/cool shower, lubed myself up with coconut oil while thanking each and every part of my body, and spent time in gratitude. I did a little mirror work where I told myself how great I am and what a good job I am doing. It's amazing how much better I felt when I finished up. Like a new woman.

Cravings
See below

Meditation

Acceptance

"Clearly, what is meant to be, is. The peace is always in that."
Gangaji

Are you finding it difficult to accept things the way they are? Are you fighting your current circumstances, wishing for something different. What if everything taking place in this moment is exactly as it should be? What if you were just to relax?

When you accept that everything is as it is, the natural course of action flows freely. When you continue to fight, resist, rail against what is here, you keep those circumstances in motion.

When you truly relax and let what is just be, the next appropriate action is effortlessly revealed.

Acceptance leads to wholesome right action.

Ramblings
This morning after my relaxing time in the bathroom I decided that I wanted to get to the bottom of these cravings or should I say obsession with food that I have been having lately. I got my Ani Phyo cookbook out and thumbed through every page writing down any recipe that got me going. I did it quickly. I was surprised at some of the things on my list. None of them were desserts.

When I finished I went back and read each one and tried to figure out what it was about that food that I was craving and I wrote down what came up for me. I didn't spend a lot of time on it. I also circled any ingredients that spoke to me. I went back and tallied it all up and here is what I came up with in order of desire:

Salty
Texture
Creamy
Heavy
Garlic
Cinnamon

So I started thinking about what I have been eating, uh I mean drinking and it all makes perfect sense.

Salty: I have been craving more kelp in my drinks but have been trying not to have too much. I had asked in the Juice Feasting Forum if I could have more kelp and they said I could increase it up to 1/2 tsp. It still didn't seem like enough but I stuck with it. I could have added a pinch of sea salt but I didn't have any and I just didn't do it. Well, I guess my body knows so I am going to add some salt. Just a little and see how it goes.

Creamy and heavy: I have also barely had any kind of fat in my juices or in my day for that matter. I have decided that hemp oil is not working for me. It was the only thing that changed in my diet the day I had the horrible gastro issues so I am thinking it is the oil. I haven't had much coconut oil because eating it by itself grosses me out. Let's also think that for 55 days I haven't had any kind of heavy or creamy food so I would think it would be a normal craving. I think by adding some oil I will do better.

Texture: The only thing I can really do for this is to eat some bee pollen. The problem is I HATE the bee pollen I have. It tastes disgusting. I probably should try another kind just to see. I know that local bee pollen is supposed to be better. I will have to research this.

Cinnamon and Garlic: Uh, I guess I'll just add a bit to my juice. Easy!

Today I added a bit of coconut oil to the blender with my morning drink and lo and behold the juice had the slightest creaminess to it. It was divine and made me smile.

I think this was a good exercise for me. I feel like I put a puzzle together and found some answers. There is a bit of a relaxation that has come with it. I feel more at ease. It's nice.

Tomorrow I am going to Indiana (2 hour drive) to spend time with my family for Easter. I probably won't get much chance to post so I am wishing you all a wonderful and beautiful Easter if you celebrate it and if not, have a spectacular Sunday! xo

Day 54

Photo by Bullish 1974 on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, celery, orange

1 quart romaine, celery, cilantro, garlic, lemon, sprouts, kelp

1 quart leaf lettuce, celery, sprouts, apple

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ??

Sleep
7.5 hours

Supplements
Probiotic
Chanca Piedra
B12
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None

Physically
I am feeling better today. The sore on my throat is almost gone thank goodness. That was a painful thing. I am less fuzzy today. Not quite 100% yet but definitely on the way to recovery.

Positive changes
Smooth skin

Losing weight

Tons of mental energy

Detox
coated tongue

Super thirsty

bumps on arms and legs

pale as the snow that fell today

Emotionally
I am just on fire. My kids weren't home today and I got a ton of stuff done. It feels good. Now I should go and take a shower since I didn't manage to get that done today.

Cravings
Food. I want to chew.

Meditation
None

Ramblings

I chose the above picture for today because I feel that it expresses the juice feast perfectly. It is a ride, just like a roller coaster with it's ups and downs. There is fear and trepidation, exhilaration and excitement. There are periods when you feel like you are on top of the world and then there are times when you feel like you might throw up. When you put all the pieces together you are left with something so fun and wonderful that you want to do it again and again.

When I am in the down periods of my cleansing, it helps me to remember the up times. I know that goes against living in the moment but when the moment sucks it's nice to have something else to keep you going.

I had a comment from someone who said that my detox symptoms are scary. I was kind of struck by it and then I felt like, well, it's kind of true. I don't know why I seem to be struggling more than the majority of the people that are juice feasting. To look at me you would never guess there was this much going on inside this body. I struggle with this because there have been times when I was afraid to post something because I don't want to scare people away who are thinking about doing this. And sometimes I feel like I get sick and tired of posting about how crappy I feel.

But then I remember how important it is to be true to myself and true to everyone out there reading. My journey is just that, MY journey. It has been filled with the ups and the downs and I have learned so much from it. I have grown and shrunk (in size :o) and I am going to come out of this thing better than I went in.

I guess I had hopes that this was going to be it for me. This was my magic bullet and I would go on this juice feast for 92 days and I would be cured of everything that ails me. I think I am realizing that that was unrealistic and that this is simply a stepping stone to learning who I am and learning how to nourish myself and love myself back to health. When I am finished with this feast (in 38 days!) I will keep moving in the direction of greater health and vibrancy.

I read this transcript from Karen Knowler today. It was about the 5 levels of transformation that we go through when we change over to a raw diet. I won't go into all of them but the thing that struck me was that there was no number 6. She said that what she found was that after a person reached level 5 they began again at level 1 this time with new thoughts, new revelations and they can awaken at a different level.

I think it is easy to look for the finish line and to want to be cured or to be thin. Then what? I ask myself this a lot. Then what? There is no finish line. We just keep going, getting better and better everyday. Expanding and becoming more true to ourselves. I like Karen's idea about cycling through again. I feel that I will be beginning a new cycle on April 29th. I will be approaching life with fresh eyes and a renewed spirit for living life to the fullest and savoring life.

Day 53

Photo by Pug Named Roxy on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart orange, spinach, celery

1 quart celery, romaine, leaf lettuce, yam, apple
Not my favorite. Kind of yucky actually.

I know, I know, only 2 quarts! It's terrible. I feel terrible though so yuck juice!

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ??

Sleep
7 hours

Supplements
Probiotic
Chanca Piedra
B12
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
10 min walk

Physically
I am a wreck today. I feel foggy and tired, weak and groggy. I can't believe the amount of work I got done despite how I feel. I am a rock star!

Positive changes
Skin smooth
Losing weight

Detox
Coated tongue
Bad sore on very base of tongue. It's all red and it hurts really bad
Headache
Clear fluid filled bump back again
Weird fuzzy feeling
Mucus in throat
Sore throat

Emotionally
Oh man I am a crabby and impatient bitch today. I feel like taking someones head off. I don't like it. I miss my happy, peaceful feeling. I actually think it might be PMS! I am due in 8 days so it makes sense. It bums me out though because last month it was pretty uneventful and now this. Oh well.

Cravings
Chinese food

Meditation
I created a meditation/hypnosis audio for myself today. It was on self love. It's funny because as I read these things I find myself talking myself into a deep state of relaxation. It feels so good.

Ramblings
I spent a lot of time revamping my website that I have had for a while. I went back and looked at it and it bummed me out so I got busy and made some changes. It's been dormant for a while and probably will remain that way for a bit longer but I want to get it closer to being ready when I decide to re-launch it.

I usually drink my morning water and lemon cold but this morning I couldn't bear the idea of drinking it so cold so I warmed it up. OK, I didn't like it. In fact, it made me feel a bit nauseous. It took me forever to drink it, so much so that it was cool when I finished it.

That's really all I have to say today. Sorry to be so boring. I am just riding out this latest healing episode and waiting to be rejuvenated.

Day 52

Photo by Marry Anne Thygesen on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart orange, celery, spinach

1 quart romaine, cilantro, collard greens, tomato, garlic, kelp

1 quart romaine, mango, pineapple, cilantro

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 148

Lost 25.5 lbs

Sleep
6.5 hours

Supplements
Probiotic
Chanca Piedra
B12
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None

Physically
Ugh. I am not feeling too good today. I still have loose stools and I got some heartburn. I went out to the health food store and stocked up on all the things I was out of so I can get back on track.

Positive changes
Skin smooth
Losing weight

Detox
Burning eyes
Coated tongue
Sore spot on back left side of throat
Tired
Bumps on skin as before

Emotionally
I had an amazing Journey process today so despite feeling poor on the physical front I felt really fantastic on the emotional front. I found myself in this large, dark, and cavernous part of my body. It felt very lonely, cold and sad. I only needed to talk with myself and forgive myself for all the times I didn't take care of myself or like myself. It was very powerful and in the end the area that was once dark and lonely was filled with warm, golden light that poured out of me. I was uplifted and felt fantastic. Good stuff.

Cravings
None. I didn't spend as much time surfing the net looking for food but I did wander around Whole foods to see what was going on. I was there to find the magazine Get Fresh that was supposed to be in stores. Unfortunately, my Whole Foods didn't have it. ;o(

I looked at all the prepared food and smelled it while I was there though. It was weird because I didn't crave it. I was just really curious. Then I went next store to the bookstore and bought Ani Phyo's book called Ani's Raw Food Kitchen . I went through the whole book slowly, page by page and I can't wait. I didn't feel compelled to stop though. It's like I am just getting myself ready.

Trash Bag Tango
None

Meditation
My Journey

Ramblings
Today is St. Joseph's Day. When I was young this was a really big deal for me. I would always dress in red and have Italian food. I didn't grow up with any kind of religion especially not Catholic so it didn't have anything to do with religion. It was a way for me to connect with my Italian heritage. The funny thing is that my dad is 100% Italian and 1/2 Sicilian where St. Joseph's day used to be big but he couldn't have cared less about it. It was my thing, just for me. So here is to my Italian side and to St. Joseph.

I had some bananas that were just about to get overripe so I decided to try making some crepes or leather or something. I blended them up in the Vitamix and spread them out on my teflex sheets. I am about to go and take them off, cut them and maybe try to roll them up. We'll see. I had my husband try them and he said they were really good so I think my kids will like them. I hope so.

I am sooooo excited because it seems that I found a place to have my husband's party. The plans have changed a bit and are closer to my original idea that I never told you about. We are going to go camping for the weekend. I found this campground that is only 30 minutes from my house. I am going to reserve a large campsite that is right on the river. The campground has a spring fed swimming hole, fishing, pool and playground. We can bring in a volleyball net and any other kinds of games too.

I talked to some of my friends and they are on board with the Survivor thing. I think I found my host and one of the best party planners and the best builders to help with whatever I need. I sent out an email to friends and family to let them know about the plans and to have them save the date. I heard back from many who are equally excited. One of hubby's old friends is even going to fly in from DC. I think it is going to be awesome!

The best part is I hate camping! I love all the fun stuff you do while camping, I just hate sleeping in a tent so hubby is going to appreciate it even more. Plans are in the works to be an unforgettable weekend. Yeah!!!

So I am off to roll banana leather that I won't be eating and then I will be dropping in bed fast asleep. Sweet dreams.

Day 51

Photo by Josef.Stuefer on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart orange, celery, spinach

1 quart celery, romaine, cilantro, tomato

1 quart celery, spinach, pineapple

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ?

Sleep
7.5hours

Supplements
Chanca Piedra
B12
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None

Physically
I am having a bit of stomach stuff going on again today. I have some diarrhea, gurgling and yuckiness. I feel drained and a bit crabby.

Positive changes
smooth skin

losing weight

Detox
coated tongue

mucus

red bumps on legs

bumps on upper arms

tummy stuff

Emotionally
I am tired and drained. I really just want to go to bed or veg in front of the TV. I will be keeping it short tonight.

Cravings
Raw food.

Trash Bag Tango
None

Meditation
None

Ramblings
Not much happened today. I felt lousy and sat in front of the computer for as much time as I could looking at raw food pictures and raw food recipes. I know, I know, it is crazy but I just can't help it. It's like my new addiction. I am enjoying it so much. I even bought a raw food ebook. You would think I was ending this feast this week by the way I am acting. I just really want some food.

The funny thing is that I have been doing this for about a week and it hasn't bothered me but now that I am not feeling so good I am struggling with it. Just another obstacle and if today is anything like the past healing episodes I have had (which I am sure it is) then it will be over soon. I will just hang on wait.

I am going to keep it short tonight my friends. I can't wait to lie down although I am sure I will be up and running to the bathroom a million times. ;o)

Day 50

Photo by m.a.x on Flickr

St. Patrick's Day is an enchanted time – a day to begin transforming winter's dreams into summer's magic.-- Adrienne Cook

Juices in order of consumption
Shot of hemp oil
1 quart orange, celery, spinach


1 quart romaine, celery, pineapple


1 quart romaine, tomato, garlic, celery


1 quart celery, orange, apple


4 quarts again. I am a rock star. I think looking at all those raw food recipes and pictures is making my stomach growl so I get hungry. Whatever works!
I have been a naughty girl in regard to the hemp oil. I was having such a hard time getting it in because it makes me sick to drink it with my juice. I tried drinking it between juices but I didn't know how long it took to get through my system and a few times it upset my stomach when I drank my juice too soon. So I just wasn't drinking it.

Today I decided to have it in the morning after my lemon water and before my first juice and it seemed to work out pretty good. Of course I forgot to take the MSM. :o)

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 149.5

Woo hoo! I dropped below the 150 mark. That feels good.

Sleep
7 hours

Supplements
Probiotic -out
Chanca Piedra
B12
zinc -out. I finally noticed a taste after drinking the whole bottle. I have to get another one and see how it tastes.
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None - I thought my yoga class was in the evening but it was at 8:30am. I had to get on the phone to get an appointment for my son so I couldn't make it. Never quite got around to doing anything else.

Physically
Another wonderful day on the physical front. Feeling good, feeling good. The body seems happy. Here at 8:00 it is a bit tired but still feels good

Positive changes
Skin smooth
Losing weight
Hubby says I'm glowing
People are commenting on my appearance

Detox
Coated tongue
Mucus in nose and throat
Red bumps on legs
Bumps on upper arms
Clear filled bump on lower lip is back again

Emotionally
Good day. Feeling happy and light.

Cravings
Baked potato
Raw delightful dishes

Trash Bag Tango
Cleaned kitchen drawer


Meditation
I am saving this for a future post. Stay tuned.


Ramblings
Well, my sweet Cody broke his finger and got his cast today. He has to wear it for 3 weeks. He was so disappointed. You should have seen the face he was making when I tried to snap this picture. I had to make him laugh to get a decent one.



His baseball season is in a precarious position. He was given a starting position as a pitcher and a leadership roll on the team. He was thrilled and excited about it. I don't know what will happen when he is able to go back. I hope he still has a spot.



So it seems that today is the perfect day to be on a juice feast. I mean, come on, green juice all day. Woo hoo. It beats the days of green beer right? I do kind of miss corned beef and cabbage with carrots, potatoes and Irish soda bread. Oooh yum.




Here is a picture of the Chicago River that the dye green every year for St. Patty's Day. It's so weird isn't it? It makes for a pretty cool picture though. I have never actually gone into the city on that day. It is usually too cold for me. Today it actually snowed again!



Today I have reached day 50! Day 50 and St. Patty's day all in one. How awesome. Only 42 more days to go. Ha ha, when I say it like that it seems horrible. One day at a time right? I know the picture of 50 is odd for a juice feasting blog but I am in a huge sporting family so it's just right for me.



My oldest son has his first volleyball game tomorrow so that is pretty exciting. At least it is inside and I will be toasty warm.



I am thinking of taking a nice relaxing bath tonight. I wonder if I will get a chance. Good night all.