Being "Normal"

Today I was driving down the street and the thought occurred to me that I would probably never be "normal" again. What I mean is that I wouldn't be eating a diet that is considered normal in this culture. I would be somehow different, always on the outskirts of society. I mean let's face it, eating is a big deal in our world.

About 10 years ago my cousin spent 6 months living at the Optimum Health Institute in San Diego. She healed herself from her imbalances she had and then she came home and began eating "normal" again. As far as I know she is still well. On Easter she said something to me that has stuck with me. She said that once you begin eating this way (raw and living) you realize how different you are from everyone else.

So this thought hit me today in the car and I started thinking how unfair that is and how I didn't want to be different. My mind was a swirl of thoughts like, "Why can't I just eat like everyone else?", and "I just want to be normal." And then, a car came up on the left side of me and passed me. I looked over and I saw a young man driving the car with what looked like his mother in the passenger seat. They didn't look horribly heavy or unhealthy but they didn't look that fantastic either...they looked normal. We got to a stoplight and I watched as the young man lifted up a TWO LITRE BOTTLE of some kind of soft drink and started glugging it down.

And then I looked to my right and there was a "normal" looking man taking his last drag from a cigarette and dropping it out the window. I sat there watching it burning as it lie on the running board of his truck. Suddenly visions of all the people I have ever seen in fast food restaurants mindlessly stuffing their faces with dead food popped into my head.

It was in that moment I realized that "normal" is crap! When it comes to health and vitality, if I strive to be like everyone else and fit in with the crowd I may find myself loaded up on multiple drugs, depressed, overweight and still sick. Oh wait, I've been there and done that! I've gone the normal route and it hasn't given me anything I want.

So now I will boldly explore a new route, a new way of living out of the norm. A way that leads to health, vitality, confidence and joy. This way has given me a new outlook on life so I won't let that old voice in my head brainwash me back into the flock of the mindless. Isn't it amazing how the Universe showed me such truth in that split second of doubt? I mean really, how often do you see a guy driving a car chugging a two liter bottle of pop?

Breaking the Feast
Yesterday I posted my video but I didn't really talk about anything else so I am going to do it today. I had 1 1/2 quarts of a green powdered drink before eating my prunes yesterday. I also had a green vegetable juice afterwards. I didn't finish the prunes. They were making me nauseous. I only ate half of them.

I took a cascara sagrada pill later that night since I didn't move anything out on my own. I've taken 2 more today and lo and behold I had some success in that department tonight.

Today I had 2 quarts romaine, leaf lettuce, celery, tomato, garlic and more prunes. I was able to eat almost the entire portion of prunes today and I didn't feel as sick as I did yesterday so that is fabulous! I am having quite a bit of gas and some grumblings in my tummy but I am actually thinking the grumblings is from the cascara sagrada.

I had my hour long yoga class today that was amazing as usual. As I drove home I had the windows down and was enjoying the beautiful warm weather and feeling the sun on me and I was overcome with this sense of complete joy. It was so overwhelming that I began to cry. I was so happy and at peace. I just know that I am on the right path.

OK are you ready for this? Hanlie ate prunes on the same day as me! We didn't talk and we didn't know that the other was planning on doing it. Isn't that amazing? I have often said that we are so much alike in so many ways and I think this is just another way that we are connected across the world. I am so glad we shared this part of our feast together!

So tomorrow is juicy fruit. I am going to try to keep it to berries so I don't have too much sugar. I have a bunch of strawberries and I think I will pop out and get some blueberries or blackberries. I so wish I could just skip ahead to salads. I am dying for a salad. Ha ha, I will get it. Just 2 days away.

People Who Don't Get It

The following is from the today's Daily Om

People Who Don’t Get It
Compassion for All

You may be someone who understands the true nature of reality, perceiving deeply that we all emanate from the same source, that we are all essentially one, and that we are here on Earth to love one another. To understand this is to be awakened to the true nature of the self, and this understanding is a blessing. Nevertheless, people who just do not get it are seemingly everywhere and, often, occupy positions of power. It can be frustrating and painful to watch them behave unconsciously.

We all encounter individuals such as this in our families, at work, and in all areas of public life. It is easy to find ourselves feeling intolerant of these people, wishing we could be free of them even though we know that separation from them is an illusion.

It helps sometimes to think of us all as different parts of one psyche. Within our own hearts and minds we have dark places that need healing, just as the heart and mind of the world have their dark places. The health of the whole organism depends upon the relative health of the individuals within it. We increase harmony when we hold on to the light, not allowing it to be clouded by judgment, anger, and fear about those who behave unconsciously. It is easier to accomplish this if we don’t focus on the negative qualities of individuals and instead on how increasing our own light will increase that of the overall picture.

When dealing with people who seem very unconscious, it helps to remember that everyone must find their own way to awakening, and that the experiences they are having are an essential part of their process. Holding them in the glow of our energy may be the best way to awaken theirs. At the same time, we are inspired by their example to look within and shed light on our own unconscious places, sacrificing the urge to judge and surrendering instead to humble self-inquiry.

I think this is something that those of us on a Juice Feast can relate to on many levels. One that comes up for many of us is being "different" from the mainstream in regards to our eating or juicing as it may be.

We can take this stance when dealing with the endless questions, judgements and comments made by people that we run into on a daily basis. I think the true healing comes from the way we treat our close family and friends that are not on the same path as us. Staying centered within ourselves and tending to our needs and letting them take their chosen paths can be difficult. Especially when we are watching people suffer by those choices. Sometimes we are confronted with people that are so fearful or jealous that they lash out and try to prove us wrong or even make fun of us.

How many of us have those same parts within us that pop out and show themselves. Many of us have made poor choices in our lives that have led us to our current health challenges. We may have operated from a place of fear, anger, or a lack of self worth. We may have lashed out at others but more importantly we may have lashed out at ourselves. We might have done things that hurt us physically and emotionally.

So now that we have embarked on this healing journey and we have seen how fantastic we can feel on so many levels we want to know why everyone isn't doing it. Sometimes we can find ourselves looking around and feeling pity for those that are stuck in their old, unhealthy ways. We can take a moment to remember that we could not be where we are today if we didn't go through what we did in the past. Just like we have, the people around us need to make the decisions that serve them in this lifetime. Simply by focusing on our journey and living our lives from a place of health and joy we can encourage anyone who is open and ready for the next stage. For those who aren't, we can offer love, compassion, and freedom from judgement.

Day 67

Photo by Setev on flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart celery, spinach, orange

1 quart celery, Boston lettuce, mango, kiwi

1 quart romaine, celery, tomato, cilantro, alfalfa sprouts

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 144

I have been stuck at this same weight for a couple of weeks now and I am over it! :o) It's not fun because my skinny jeans are starting to feel tight again. What's up with that?

Sleep
7 hours

Supplements
Probiotic
Chanca Piedra
B12
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Parasite cleanse

Exercise
None - I hurt my neck yesterday. It is a bit better today but I don't want to make it worse so I am taking it easy.

Physically
I visited enemaville this morning and it helped my headache a bit. Not totally, but better. I am feeling very bloated and my heartburn is growing. Still manageable because it is under the surface but it is growing.

Positive changes
Same

Detox
Same

Emotionally
Boy this was an up and down day. I started out feeling OK. I went for coffee (I had chamomile tea) around lunch time and that was fun. Then I went to my son's volleyball game and it was a painful loss. It got me a bit agitated. Then I was BORED. I was bored with music, bored with juice, bored with everything. I was feeling antsy. Now I am just tire. It's weird.

Cravings
Chinese food.
French fries
Sausages

Meditation

Perfection

There is an innate perfection that pervades all of life. The rosebud is as complete in its perfection as the rose in full bloom. That same perfection is in the faded rose petals and even when they decay and offer themselves back to the soil.

Are there ways in which you are striving to get things right, struggling to make them more perfect, pleading, "If only...then I could finally relax"?

What if you were to stop playing God for a moment. Stop trying to fix, change and perfect what is already perfect? Just relax - fall into the divine perfection that permeates the whole Universe, and which suffuses each moment. Rest in it, bathe in it, deeply relax in the knowledge that things are perfect just as they are.

God does not need your help to make life more perfect.

Ramblings

It's funny, when I first started reading this I thought it didn't really apply to me. Then I got to the second paragraph and I could see the connection. If only ... then I could finally relax. I have been feeling like that a lot lately. I have been feeling driven to do something, do anything. To finish this feast to move on with my life, to take this class, to learn this new thing or that new thing. Then finally I will have the answers, I will be complete.

Ha ha, you think I would learn this. I have even talked about it here on this blog. There is no there. There is only here. I will never get "there" unless I am here. It makes so much sense and it resonates with me and then I forget. I imagine the more I remember the easier it will become.

Sometimes I feel like life is a big University... the University of Life. There are all kinds of classes to take, health and nutrition, parenthood, relationships, love, etc. You sign up for classes, some you love, some...not so much. Everyday you learn something new. Sometimes it is easy to learn and other times it is a struggle. You study and you study and yet some of the facts slip away. As you progress through the classes; relationships 101, 102, 103, 201... suddenly after being immersed in the material for more and more time things begin to click. What was once abstract and difficult is second nature and easy. You begin to "get it." You begin to live it.

I am progressing through my classes and some things are easy and others are difficult. I keep going to class, I keep studying and I keep learning new things. Everyday something becomes easier for me, something becomes part of my being. I am not ready to graduate the University of Life yet because I have so much to learn. So many fascinating classes are being offered and I want to take them all. I want to experience all that this beautiful university has to offer so that I can grow and expand.

Juice Feasting Truth

Photo by mallix on Flickr

It is clearly not the journey for everyone. People succeed in as many ways as there are people. Some can be completely fulfilled with destinations that are much closer to home and more comfortable. But if you long to keep going, then I hope you are able to follow my lead to the places I have gone. To within a
whisper of your own personal perfection. To places that are sweeter because you worked so hard to arrive there. To places at the very edge of your dreams.

- Michael Johnson

A New Earth Week 2

I know Oprah and Eckhart and many of you are on week 5. I am on week 2. I just finished watching week 2 and want to share my thoughts.

Something that struck me was when Eckhart said that 98-99% of human thought is useless and repetitive. Ummmm, really? Think about how much of our day is spent in human thought... really think about it. 98-99% of it is useless and repetitive? What a waste! The energy that is put into something that is useless is amazing!

They were talking about people and their stories and the story is not who we are. It reminds me of my friend Skip who is the head trainer for the North American Journey. He always talks about people who carry their stories around with them like a big ball and chain. They drag it around with them and then every chance they get they begin spinning that ball and chain around them (spinning their story), knocking people over with it and then dragging it on and doing it all over again.

The moment I heard this I knew I related to it. I was always knocking people over with my story, over and over and over again. I was being dragged down by it. I started to think about this blog and realizing that I have been sharing parts of my "story" here in this venue. I wanted to see what my motivation is. Am I swirling the ball around again? The answer is yes and no. I realize that some of the time I am telling my story in context to my healing, in hopes that it will resonate with someone else, someone who may be able to see something in me that they wouldn't be able to see in themselves.

I have become aware of some times when my story has come out of an egoic place however. A place where I get a chance to once again share my "poor me" story. I am not sure if you all can see the difference or can sense the difference but it is clear to me. What another wonderful awareness that I have received.

Who am I? This is a big thing for me. One of the most profound moments in my journey has been when I was able to ask myself this question over and over just as Eckhart discusses. It brought me to the most intense experience with my true self that I have ever experienced, one that I cherish. The amazing thing is that now I have the ability to ask myself that question anytime and find the truth beneath my ego.

I was taught to do it a bit differently than Eckhart described. He said that the question is to be asked over and over and not answered. It is in the empty space that you get a sense of your consciousness. I believe that is true. Because I was so wrapped up in my labels that I had to answer the question over and over again. It went something like this;

mom, daughter, woman, ugly, pretty, mom, wife, student, teacher etc.

This went on for some time until the strangest thing happened. I found the word strawberry pop out of my mouth. I burst out laughing at the idea of myself as a strawberry. From there, however, became this awareness that I was connected. I was a part of everything. My answers shifted to things like;

water, rain, clouds, air, birds, stars, milky way, etc. until just like Eckhart said there was no answer. There was only this emptiness, this expansiveness, this consciousness. Mmmmmm, it was a defining moment for me.

They talked about people clinging to their illness and that it is important to shift your attention away from it. To no longer talk about your illness because it empowers the illness. When there is pain, find the parts of the body where the most aliveness can be found and focus on those areas. Pain requires surrender. There are two kinds of pain, physical pain and psychological pain. When the mind complains it creates the psychological pain on top of the physical pain.

Very interesting. I will be reflecting on this and putting it into practice as it seems to be an area I could use some help with.

There was discussion about weight loss and how it is a spiritual process. Oprah said something about allowing yourself to be fed from the energy that is already here. One thing that was said in relation to buying but I think applies to many of us and eating as well was this,

"When you can no longer feel the life that you are, you are likely to try and fill up your life with things."

For me it has been food. Of course I can relate to "things" being used here as well, but seeing how my focus has been on my eating, this struck a chord with me.

I have posted before about the food being used to fill me up, to make me feel good, important, special or comfortable. I would guess that the way to avoid this is to spend time feeling the life that I am, feeling the aliveness in my body, my inner body. I can do this be being present and in the moment often throughout the day.

I realize I have written a lot here today. I have done this as a type of journal for myself and I hope there was a kernal of truth here for you. I want to leave you with a quote I found inspirational:

There is more power in letting go than holding on.

Infinite Love and Gratitude

I took a seminar called the Lifeline Technique that was held here in my local area a while back. It was a pretty cool and powerful stuff. It is a combination of many different healing techniques combined into one streamlined, step by step process that can clear out issues.

While I enjoyed learning it and I know that it is life changing stuff I didn't seem to resonate with it as much as other things I have learned, especially The Journey. The reason that I am bringing this up today is because of the Infinite Love and Gratitude symbol that is above.

The one thing that I have taken from that seminar that I use EVERY DAY is that symbol. Dr. Weissman uses that hand symbol in his Lifeline technique and I can honestly say that I could feel the energy emanating from it. I use it as I walk through my everyday life. I use the symbol and the words and I FEEL the infinite love and gratitude for whomever I am sending it to.

For example, today I was at a childhood place with my kids and I found myself being judgemental of some of the women I saw there. When I caught myself doing it I sent myself Infinite Love and Gratitude (ILG) and then I sent it to the people I was judging. My whole demeanor changed almost immediately.

When I am driving down the street and someone cuts me off or does something equally rude I send an ILG to them and then to myself. When I see someone who looks a bit scary or unusual I send an ILG to them. When I get mad at my kids I send and ILG. When I say I send ILG I simply mean that I hold up the symbol (discreetly if necessary) and say the words to myself or out loud. That's it.

It can be used anytime towards anyone. The truth is that whenever we get mad or irritated with someone else it is an opportunity for growth within ourselves. We know we can't change anyone else so we can choose to get mad at them or we can choose to realize that that person is teaching us a lesson or is mirroring something in ourselves that we need to work on. When we chose the later and we honestly appreciate and love that person for the lesson we are getting we have the opportunity for growth and there is an immediate a sense of joy, love and peace and I believe sending the love and positive energy helps the other person in some way too.

Dr. Weissman calls it the Love Gun so consider yourself an officer of love and start spreading infinite love and gratitude to everyone you meet. Let me know how it works for you.

Day 56

Photo by Scott Kinmartin on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, pineapple, orange, celery, coconut oil

1 quart romaine, orange, celery

1 quart romaine, cilantro, celery, tomato, Kelp

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ??

Sleep
8 hours

Supplements
Probiotic
Chanca Piedra
B12
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None

Physically
Nothing much to talk about here. It was a good day physically.

Positive changes
Same as it ever was

Detox
Same as it always is

Emotionally
It was a fun day with my family. The drive was nice and it was good to see extended family I haven't seen for a while. I have a new niece that I haven't seen yet. She is adorable and since I was the only one not eating I got to hold her during dinner. What a great thing.

Cravings
None really. Still an obsession with food that just won't let up. I thought I was going to be OK after yesterday's list-making but alas, I am still wanting food.

Meditation
None

Ramblings
So today was a big day for me in regards to this feast. I have really been struggling with staying on past 60 days. I really feel ready to come off and I feel as if my body would benefit from the addition of fiber.

On the drive home I had a long talk with my hubby and I felt like the end was coming. I have to say that there were points where I was overcome with feelings of guilt and failure for not going the distance. The funny thing is that I NEVER committed to going the full 92 days. I always left it open so I don't know why I am having these feelings.

Well, as soon as I got home I got on the computer and here is what was in my inbox!

Part of me was inspired and amazed at the synchronicity but part of me is pissed! I felt like I had finally made a decision and was dealing with it and then...I have coach God yelling in my ear telling me not to give up, to give my best, that even when it's hard and even when it hurts I can still push through it.

I am feeling the most confused I have ever felt and frustrated. I know I should listen to what is coming to me and there is a bigger part of me that is just done. The thought of moving on to the next stage is just so alluring. I want to, I want to!

I've been sitting here...just sitting here. I am lost.

To be continued

Day 54

Photo by Bullish 1974 on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, celery, orange

1 quart romaine, celery, cilantro, garlic, lemon, sprouts, kelp

1 quart leaf lettuce, celery, sprouts, apple

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ??

Sleep
7.5 hours

Supplements
Probiotic
Chanca Piedra
B12
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None

Physically
I am feeling better today. The sore on my throat is almost gone thank goodness. That was a painful thing. I am less fuzzy today. Not quite 100% yet but definitely on the way to recovery.

Positive changes
Smooth skin

Losing weight

Tons of mental energy

Detox
coated tongue

Super thirsty

bumps on arms and legs

pale as the snow that fell today

Emotionally
I am just on fire. My kids weren't home today and I got a ton of stuff done. It feels good. Now I should go and take a shower since I didn't manage to get that done today.

Cravings
Food. I want to chew.

Meditation
None

Ramblings

I chose the above picture for today because I feel that it expresses the juice feast perfectly. It is a ride, just like a roller coaster with it's ups and downs. There is fear and trepidation, exhilaration and excitement. There are periods when you feel like you are on top of the world and then there are times when you feel like you might throw up. When you put all the pieces together you are left with something so fun and wonderful that you want to do it again and again.

When I am in the down periods of my cleansing, it helps me to remember the up times. I know that goes against living in the moment but when the moment sucks it's nice to have something else to keep you going.

I had a comment from someone who said that my detox symptoms are scary. I was kind of struck by it and then I felt like, well, it's kind of true. I don't know why I seem to be struggling more than the majority of the people that are juice feasting. To look at me you would never guess there was this much going on inside this body. I struggle with this because there have been times when I was afraid to post something because I don't want to scare people away who are thinking about doing this. And sometimes I feel like I get sick and tired of posting about how crappy I feel.

But then I remember how important it is to be true to myself and true to everyone out there reading. My journey is just that, MY journey. It has been filled with the ups and the downs and I have learned so much from it. I have grown and shrunk (in size :o) and I am going to come out of this thing better than I went in.

I guess I had hopes that this was going to be it for me. This was my magic bullet and I would go on this juice feast for 92 days and I would be cured of everything that ails me. I think I am realizing that that was unrealistic and that this is simply a stepping stone to learning who I am and learning how to nourish myself and love myself back to health. When I am finished with this feast (in 38 days!) I will keep moving in the direction of greater health and vibrancy.

I read this transcript from Karen Knowler today. It was about the 5 levels of transformation that we go through when we change over to a raw diet. I won't go into all of them but the thing that struck me was that there was no number 6. She said that what she found was that after a person reached level 5 they began again at level 1 this time with new thoughts, new revelations and they can awaken at a different level.

I think it is easy to look for the finish line and to want to be cured or to be thin. Then what? I ask myself this a lot. Then what? There is no finish line. We just keep going, getting better and better everyday. Expanding and becoming more true to ourselves. I like Karen's idea about cycling through again. I feel that I will be beginning a new cycle on April 29th. I will be approaching life with fresh eyes and a renewed spirit for living life to the fullest and savoring life.

One Minute Shift

Here are some short, one minute videos that I found on One Minute Shift.

Challenge of Love

The other day for my meditation I pulled the Self Love Card from my Journey Deck.

Self Love

Often we are so busy - there's so much to do, to accomplish, to achieve - that we overlook our own self. This card is inviting you to take some time to honor your self.

Often we are quick to forgive others, quick to see their talents and their beauty, but much harder on ourselves. Take a moment to sit quietly in gratitude for all that you are. Make a list of all the qualities, talents, moments of giving, caring, kindness, beauty, brilliance, creativity that your own self has given you. Let the list overflow.

Ten make a fresh page of praise, expressing your gratitude for being yourself. When was the last time you praised yourself or acknowledged your beauty? It's time to be reckless: lavish yourself in self-love. Then find a gift, something significant, just for you. It can be a flower, a piece of music, something meaningful that says, "I honor you, I cherish you, I'm grateful." It's time to honor your own self. You deserve.

This got me thinking what a great idea this was for me to do and what a great idea it would be to share with my blogging friends. So I decided to make it a bit of a challenge. Instead of sharing fun facts about yourself, I am inviting you to spend some time doing the exercise above and sharing it on your blog. You can invite others to do the same and soon we will have a community of people who are appreciating and loving themselves.

Now I know it may seem awkward for some of you to "brag" about yourselves (because it was for me too). But I encourage you to push past that uncomfortable feeling and really give yourself some love. It isn't bragging. It is sharing your gifts with the world and more importantly giving yourself a much needed boost of confidence and a dose of self love.

Here is how it works: Do the exercise exactly as described above for yourself and then choose 3 things from your list of qualities and traits, and 3 from your list of self praise to share. At the end, post an online gift in the form of a picture, song, or video that honors you. Have fun with it. Here is mine:

Qualities and Gifts
1. I have beautiful eyes - for years people have commented on them. Strangers have come up to me and told me how beautiful my eyes are. Even when my skin and body where looking worse for the wear, my eyes still looked beautiful. I feel especially blessed that my children seem to have inherited my eyes.

2. I am a good communicator and public speaker - I am not sure what it is but when I am on, I am on. I am able to communicate in a way that is down to earth, simple and effective. I have taught people how to do many things over the years and I always get comments on how much they enjoyed it. It is definitely one of my strengths.

3. I am always willing to help out a friend in need- I have helped many people throughout the years with many different things. When I was divorced and living in a house with my 2 small children I let one of my friends stay with me. She also had 2 small boys about the same age. I had a small house so all 4 boys stayed together in one room. It makes me feel good to be able to help out when someone is going through something tough.

Praise and Honoring:
1. I honor myself for continuing to learn and to grow. It was easy to get comfortable inside my own little world and just stay there but I have expanded beyond that and am always learning new things. I have changed so much that sometimes I don't even recognize the old me. It is so awesome because this is the TRUE ME! Not what I think people will relate to, only what I relate to.

2. I honor myself for looking beyond "me" and doing what is right. When I got divorced and my ex-husband had a child by another woman I could have easily held onto the hurt and anger but I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't do it. I would not blame that innocent baby for being born into this situation and I would encourage a healthy relationship between my children and their brother. I used to babysit him on a regular basis, take him out with us, and we have even taken him on our family vacation with us. It is a healthy relationship for everyone and one that I am proud of.

3. I honor myself for learning how to love myself. This post would have been impossible for me to write before. I didn't really like any part of who I was. The funny thing is that nothing about me has changed, I now simply allow the truth to be heard by myself. I am proud that I have taken time for me, that I have learned that it is OK to think I am pretty cool. I am proud that I have learned to balance loving myself with loving those around me.

My gift to myself:
I thought long and hard about what gift I wanted to give myself. I began searching the Internet for a beautiful picture, I thought of all the moving songs I know that touch my heart and all the inspirational videos I have watched that have moved me to tears.

In the end, I decided on the following pictures of my children. As soon as I saw them I knew they were perfect. The first is the official Christmas card picture I sent out in 2007. Wow, they are beautiful and they take my breath away.

The second is the funny picture they got to take as a reward for posing so nicely for mom. It cracks me up and helps me remember the simple joy in life, the childhood innocence that I have long forgotten but is being awakened in me. It reminds me of the true gifts that I have been given in my life and the joy that I have everyday, right here, under my roof whenever I am present enough to accept it.

Love to all of you!!!

Reflections on Tolle

Photo by Lutz R Frank on Flickr

I have just completed reading the transcript from the Oprah and Eckhart online class that happened on Sunday night. I tried to log on and watch but my computer didn't want to cooperate so I waited until today and read it instead.

I took some notes so I decided to post them hear along with some of my thoughts regarding what I read.

In order to awaken to your life's purpose you must ask Life, Grace, Consciousness or God what it wants for your life. Instead of asking; "What do I want?" ask, "What does Grace want?"

This has been very powerful for me and is something I learned at the Manifesting Abundance retreat through The Journey. I have used it many times and in fact used it when I began this year of Vibrant Health. You can read about it here.

I think this is a good exercise to do frequently and especially when there are decisions to be made. I try to do it at least twice a year and sometimes quarterly. It keeps me focused on my path.

Find spaces of silence so that you may hear the answer. The answer may not come right away.

So often we send out our prayers and we never take time to listen to the answers to them. Our minds are moving in a constant flurry and there is no room for the quiet. I remember when I did my first Journey process I was so enamored with silence. I had these huge experiences with a powerful and resounding silence. I didn't know that silence was my own truth, my own essence and it was being hidden by my ego and the incessant noise of my mind.

Nature is a beautiful access point into inner stillness

I do not spend enough time in nature. I can't wait for spring!

Become aware of your conditioned mental processes. How you react in every day situations? What kind of thoughts go on in your head? What is it you are putting out into the world? It contributes to the collective consciousness.

Recognize the voice in your head as conditioned thought processes from your past, your childhood, your upbringing and culture.

The only way to gradually go beyond the conditioning thought is to be a witness. You don't need to act on it or say go away, I don't want to be thinking this. That doesn't work.

Wow, this was huge for me. I read it over and over again. I only need to be a witness, not try to change it? I guess that when we are making a decision to change it, that may be coming from our ego, trying to be "good or better." Simply by witnessing it we are allowing our awareness to expand. So interesting!

"The majesty and power and omniscience of this force that we call 'God' cannot be contained in church." Oprah

Oooh, the words melted in my mouth like coconut butter. She did go on to say that if going to church allows you to feel like you are being of service then you should use it.

"If there is dissatisfaction, that is not a good place, not a good starting point for changing your life. The ego may tell you that but it isn't. You need to find a place of acceptance." Eckhart

"No matter where you are, come to terms and become friendly with the present moment. Because if you do not become friendly with the present moment, you're not friendly with life because life is only now. If you're not friendly with life, life cannot support you." Eckhart


Wow, I never would have thought of that. Usually when we are most unhappy with out lives do we feel compelled to make changes. This is saying the opposite, that we need to come to terms with where we are right now and then make changes from that place of peace and acceptance. Once again I imagine that making decisions based on our unhappiness leads to decisions that come from the ego. This is a complete paradigm switch for me.



What is my relationship with the present moment? Is there any negativity in which case I'm fighting? I'm making the present moment into an enemy.

What you resist persists. Make peace with the moment.

Acceptance of what is first. Then action comes out of the acceptance. It no longer comes out of resistance.

Books that were mentioned:

Discover the Power Within You by Eric Butterworth
The Seekers Guide by Elizabeth Lesser
Any books by Joel Goldsmith
Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle

Day 37

Never stop. One always stops as soon as something is about to happen.
-- Peter Brook

I receive several diferent inspirational quotes each day and the above quote found its way into my inbox this morning. It is amazing how synchronicity works!

Juices, Supplements etc. in order of consumption
1 quart water with 1 tsp honey and 1 scoop of my super green formula

1 quart spinach, pineapple, celery, mint

Shot of hemp oil

1 quart romaine, tomato, celery, carrot with tops, lemon, garlic, basil

I just can't seem to get the full amount of juice in me. I wanted to but I just couldn't stomach anymore. I felt sick drinking the last quart and had to dump it.

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 155

I gained a pound? What's up with that?

Sleep
8 hours

Supplements
Probiotic
B12
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice (I forgot to take them w/ the green powder drink)
Colon Cleanse
Chanca Piedra
Liquid Zinc- I went to the health food store and bought a bottle of Zinc Status. You are supposed to put 10 ml (2 tsp) of the liquid in your mouth and hold it for at least 10 seconds. A lack of taste or a delayed taste perception suggests possible zinc insufficiency. An immediate taste perception suggests zinc status may be adequate. It tasted like water to me. I guess I need some zinc. I will continue to take it because there isn't a real good source of zinc in what I am currently ingesting and I have so many symptoms of it.

I was told by my chiropractor friend over the weekend that it sounds to her like I also have a magnesium defiency. I will look into this further and see what I can find out. It seems like I am deficient in many minerals that aren't in veggies. I wonder if that will be the case with magnesium too. I will keep you posted.

Exercise
None

Physically
I felt stronger physically today. As the day went on I felt better and better. My stomach seems to be doing pretty good. Every once in a while I can feel an underlying discomfort but it is not constant like it was before.

Positive changes
Skin is smooth

Detox
Tongue is really coated
Lots of mucus in back of throat
Red bumps on upper thighs and upper arms again

Emotionally
It was a slow start up today. I was feeling a bit down in the morning still. I felt myself coming back as the day went on. I was listening to the CD I wrote about earlier in the day and it really uplifted me. That inner dread I had yesterday seems to have lifted. I am feeling more peaceful and happy.

Cravings
Salami. I don't even really like salami but I craved it anyway.

Trash Bag Tango
Sorted through some pictures.

Meditation
OK, synchronisity AGAIN! I got these cards from The Journey called Guided by Grace and here is the card I chose today:

Second Chance
Have you given up on something or someone recently? Have you let go of a dream or settled for second best in some way? Have you limited or contained yourself somehow?

It is time to give yourself a second chance. Know that life is a flow, a stream of consciousness that is constantly, wonderously changing. No two moments are the same.

Life loves us so much that each moment it offers us a blank page to write our life anew. It's time to pick up that dream, reach for that star, start afresh. Allow your natural wisdom and Grace to guide you. Know that each life experience teaches us profoundly, if we but listen deeply. And know that each day is a fresh start, each hour is a pristine new beginning. Know that every new second is your second chance.

OK Universe! I get it! :o)

Ramblings

Day 37 retraces me back to 1996 which is the year that I got married. You can see my wedding photo with my wonderful husband and my two little guys. Dallas is on the left and Cody is looking so thrilled there on the right. We were married in a garden at The Danada House in Wheaton, IL and had our reception in a tent.

The day started out dark and rainy and we were going to have to move the ceremony inside. With only an hour to go before the start, the clouds parted and the sun came out in all its glory. We had perfect weather for the start of our life together. When we were pronounced man and wife, the guests were asked to reach below their seats where there were little, white pyramids. When they opened them butterflies flew out. It was fantastic!

Our wedding was beautiful and quite magical. People talked about it for months and so many people called me about advice I briefly thought about being a wedding planner. Just thinking about it brings a smile to my face.

I have to say that as wonderful as that day was my relationship with my husband has gotten stronger, deeper and more perfect then when we were first married. I am so blessed to have him!

I had a colonic appointment today and I can definitely tell that things are beginning to move more freely now. I am releasing a lot more material each time I go. Maybe I lost that pound I gained. :o)

Kirtana

I purchased this CD of Kirtana at the Journey Intensive. I heard some of the songs last year before the CD was released and I really loved them. You can hear samples of the songs at the website.

I decided to post the lyrics of one of my favorite songs because it goes so well with what I have been learning and experiencing in Eckhart Tolle's Book and in The Journey.

Just because the tracks are laid...
or just because your ticket's paid for...
and some crazed conductor keeps on calling out your name,
you don't need to board the train.
No, you don't need to board the train.

Trains of thought will come and go,
but you are not your thoughts, you know -
so why get all caught up in where they lead?

You are who these thoughts are passing through - don't you see.
You are who these thoughts are passing through.
Be free. Be free.

Even when you're feeling frightened,
sad or hurt or unenlightened,
you can find a peace that underlies what passes by.
Don't mistake the weather for the sky (of your being)
Why mistake the weather for the sky?

Feelings rise then fall away -
even those you wish would stay,
so why equate your sense of self with mood?
You are who emotion passes through - don't you see.
You are who emotion passes through.
Be free. Be free.

What a blessing to have taken birth in this human form -
with the chance to see that who we are was really never born,
can never die, is always free.

If Destiny decides to strike some version of the script you like
And make a melodrama of your endless cabaret,
you know you can still enjoy the play (yes you can) -
if you're still and you know how to play.

Just treat it like a mystery and view it from the balcony.
Laugh and cry and stomp your feet,
but don't believe a thing.
You are who these scenes are passing through - don't you see.
You are who this play is passing through.
Be free. Be free.

Here is Kirtana's biography as listed on her website:

Born and raised in a small coastal town in Maine, Kirtana has played the guitar and written songs since the tender age of eleven. For the last twenty years she has lived on the central coast of California, drawing constant nourishment and inspiration from the beauty and energy of the area.

A long time student of spirituality and meditation, Kirtana's music early on reflected themes of personal transformation, healing and a growing self-awareness. As might be expected, her albums sequentially chart her spiritual evolution as her attention shifted from personal healing, to concern and prayers for the planet, to the necessity for awakening to our true nature.

In 1997 she met her beloved teacher: Gangaji. The songs from her cd: 'This Embrace' reflect the love and self-recognition sparked by that life-altering encounter.Her fifth CD, 'A Deeper Surrender', has been described by one reviewer as "an exquisite paean to the ineffable longing for the Beloved" Her sixth and most recent cd, 'Falling Awake' continues the expression of that deepening.

In addition to her own concerts, she performs at New Thought Churches, satsangs, and Truth-centered conferences. Her music is distributed internationally and has been used by various spiritual teachers, noted authors, healers and seminar leaders at their meetings and workshops (including events with Gangaji, Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Brandon Bays, etc.)

The usual category designation for such music is 'New Age Vocal'. But a more appropriate genre might be 'Music for Awakening' or 'Contemporary Sacred'. In Kirtana's own words the best description for both her music and her purpose in sharing it is to "celebrate divine love and the truth of who we are."

Day 29

Juices, Supplements etc. in order of consumption
1 quart Leaf lettuce, radish, radish leaves, celery, lemon, cilantro, onion, garlic, kelp
1/2 head leaf lettuce, 1 very small radish with a handful of leaves, 4 stalks celery, 1/2 lemon, 1/2 bunch of cilantro, 1 green onion, 2 garlic
This was pretty good. I was surprised at how nice it tasted.

3/4 quart spinach, celery, radish, cilantro carrot, garlic, kelp, hemp oil, turmeric
1/2 lb spinach, 4 stalks celery, 1 sm radish, 1/2 bunch cilantro, handful carrots, 2 garlic
I don't know why but this had an earthy taste and was spicy. The radish was a little bigger but not that much. Maybe it was because I left the lemon out.

1 quart kale, cilantro, cucumber, carrot, onion, garlic, coconut oil, Chinese 5 spice
4 leaves kale, 1 bunch cilantro, 1 cucumber, handful carrots, 1 onion, 2 garlic
I was looking for something different, something exciting. I was trying to get something that tasted Asian. I sort of succeeded. I think it would have been better with a lime or lemon. I will try it again. I am also out of romaine and I think that would have helped too.

You may or may not have noticed that I was leaving out the hemp oil for a few days to see if it had any effect on my stomach. I did notice I felt a bit more heartburn after that juice so I am thinking about leaving it out again for a while until I don't have this underlying pain. I will add flax oil instead and see how that goes.

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 156

I lost 1 1/2 lbs.

Sleep
7.5 hours

Supplements
I have been struggling to remember to take my supplements so I thought if I was to add them to the blog it would help me remember.

Probiotic in morning
Enzymes with each juice
B5 in morning and evening

Exercise
None

Physically
I woke up tired and stayed tired the whole day. I felt so drained and I really would have loved to crawl in bed and sleep the whole day. I didn't feel sick or anything, just so tired.

Positive changes
Weight loss
Skin smooth
Face is changing

Detox
Coated tongue
Geographic tongue
Mucus in nose and throat
Breaking out on the right side of my face. I am due to get my period in 2 days so that could be helping although I don't usually get pimples at that time of the month.
Dry hands

Emotionally
I am feeling very positive today despite the complete lack of energy I have. I am feeling very centered and my physical lethargy isn't affecting me emotionally. I did get a little crabby and again I have to remind myself that I am about to start my cycle. This little crabbiness that I experienced today is nothing compared to the horrors of PMS that I have been suffering for the last 5 years though. In fact I just told my hubby what part of my cycle I am in and he confirmed the lack of anger, crabbiness and misery that is normally present at this time.

Cravings
I was craving something substantial, something warm and filling again today. I wouldn't call it a craving; I call it more like an underlying whisper.

Trash Bag Tango
None

Meditation
None

Ramblings
I have added a new feature to my blog. It is on the right side just below the Raw Food World Link. It is the Daily OM. I have been getting this for a very long time. I don't always take the time to read it but when I do it is usually pretty good.

Everyday the link will be updated with a new article for you to read. I want to share today's with you just in case you don't read this until tomorrow because I think it is a good one. Have a great night, I am going to bed early.

The Kaleidoscope Of Life
Living Together Differently

We tend to gravitate toward people who are most like us, at least in the ways that make us feel comfortable. But life has its way of bringing us into contact with people who challenge us with their differences. It may be an obvious difference reflected in their outward appearance or an invisible but powerful philosophical stance. Even in our closest circle of friends and family, though, there are those that confront us with their different ways of experiencing and expressing life. We can choose to resist, but we can also choose to learn from them and appreciate that they too have a place in the kaleidoscope of life.

As much as we may say that we want peace and quiet and a life without struggle, the truth is that human beings are currently thriving in a world of dualities and challenges. It is how we choose to approach these hurdles that determine if we sail over them, confirming our agility, or trip and end up face down in the dust. And each of us absolutely will and must stumble, and then get up, brush the dust off, and carry on. This is how we learn and grow, developing depth of character and shades of understanding. In a world of dualities, we have trouble defining ourselves without something opposite and can’t discover who we are. Without challenge, there is nothing to do and nothing to discover. That leaves us either in a state of nonbeing or in the state of pure spirit, but as humans, we are spiritual beings experiencing the physical world in all of its startling contrast and beauty.

No matter how spiritual we are, our lives will have challenges. We will always run into people that are different from us, but the true challenge may be in finding ways to be at peace with this process. Rather than give in to the fight-or-flight response that comes from our animal nature, we can find new ways to evolve together into higher, more beautiful expressions of ourselves, realizing, embracing, and celebrating the beauty of diversity and the strength it offers for the future.

Second Chance

I created another inspirational movie to watch. They make me so happy. This is a beautiful song that sums up how I feel about this period in my life. I hope you enjoy it.

My Inspirational Movie

I plan on watching this movie everyday in the morning while sipping my first juice of the day. It will keep me focused on my intention to create vibrant health.