Day 55

Ultimate Peep Show

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, celery, orange, coconut oil

1 quart romaine, celery, tomato, cilantro, garlic, kelp

1 quart romaine, apple, celery, sprouts, kiwi

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 144.5

It is so much better waiting a few days to weigh myself because there is always a change. When I do it everyday there are days where there is no change and that is a bummer. So now I am down 29 lbs! I can't believe it. That's awesome!

Sleep
8.5 hours

Supplements
Probiotic - I have been doubling up or I guess I should say quadrupling up on these. I take 2 in the morning and 2 at night.
Chanca Piedra I have to admit, I haven't noticed anything since beginning to take this. I guess that's not to say that it isn't working, but how do you know? I am thinking about doing a liver/gallbladder cleanse anyway just to see. I don't know though. I am kinda scared.
B 12
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None

Physically
I felt pretty good today. My stomach is much better and I have good energy.

Positive changes
Skin smooth
Lost 29 lbs!
Nails seem to be getting a bit stronger. Green, but stronger
Eyes shiny
I am beginning to glow again today

Detox
Coated tongue - It's just as bad as day one and some days worse. Sore is gone though.
Bumps on arms and legs
Wounds still taking FOREVER to heal
Lump of mucus in back of throat

Emotionally
I woke up feeling a bit out of sorts this morning. I was just feeling down and a bit sorry for myself. I decided to spend some time with myself in the bathroom. I took a nice hot/cool shower, lubed myself up with coconut oil while thanking each and every part of my body, and spent time in gratitude. I did a little mirror work where I told myself how great I am and what a good job I am doing. It's amazing how much better I felt when I finished up. Like a new woman.

Cravings
See below

Meditation

Acceptance

"Clearly, what is meant to be, is. The peace is always in that."
Gangaji

Are you finding it difficult to accept things the way they are? Are you fighting your current circumstances, wishing for something different. What if everything taking place in this moment is exactly as it should be? What if you were just to relax?

When you accept that everything is as it is, the natural course of action flows freely. When you continue to fight, resist, rail against what is here, you keep those circumstances in motion.

When you truly relax and let what is just be, the next appropriate action is effortlessly revealed.

Acceptance leads to wholesome right action.

Ramblings
This morning after my relaxing time in the bathroom I decided that I wanted to get to the bottom of these cravings or should I say obsession with food that I have been having lately. I got my Ani Phyo cookbook out and thumbed through every page writing down any recipe that got me going. I did it quickly. I was surprised at some of the things on my list. None of them were desserts.

When I finished I went back and read each one and tried to figure out what it was about that food that I was craving and I wrote down what came up for me. I didn't spend a lot of time on it. I also circled any ingredients that spoke to me. I went back and tallied it all up and here is what I came up with in order of desire:

Salty
Texture
Creamy
Heavy
Garlic
Cinnamon

So I started thinking about what I have been eating, uh I mean drinking and it all makes perfect sense.

Salty: I have been craving more kelp in my drinks but have been trying not to have too much. I had asked in the Juice Feasting Forum if I could have more kelp and they said I could increase it up to 1/2 tsp. It still didn't seem like enough but I stuck with it. I could have added a pinch of sea salt but I didn't have any and I just didn't do it. Well, I guess my body knows so I am going to add some salt. Just a little and see how it goes.

Creamy and heavy: I have also barely had any kind of fat in my juices or in my day for that matter. I have decided that hemp oil is not working for me. It was the only thing that changed in my diet the day I had the horrible gastro issues so I am thinking it is the oil. I haven't had much coconut oil because eating it by itself grosses me out. Let's also think that for 55 days I haven't had any kind of heavy or creamy food so I would think it would be a normal craving. I think by adding some oil I will do better.

Texture: The only thing I can really do for this is to eat some bee pollen. The problem is I HATE the bee pollen I have. It tastes disgusting. I probably should try another kind just to see. I know that local bee pollen is supposed to be better. I will have to research this.

Cinnamon and Garlic: Uh, I guess I'll just add a bit to my juice. Easy!

Today I added a bit of coconut oil to the blender with my morning drink and lo and behold the juice had the slightest creaminess to it. It was divine and made me smile.

I think this was a good exercise for me. I feel like I put a puzzle together and found some answers. There is a bit of a relaxation that has come with it. I feel more at ease. It's nice.

Tomorrow I am going to Indiana (2 hour drive) to spend time with my family for Easter. I probably won't get much chance to post so I am wishing you all a wonderful and beautiful Easter if you celebrate it and if not, have a spectacular Sunday! xo

Day 54

Photo by Bullish 1974 on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, celery, orange

1 quart romaine, celery, cilantro, garlic, lemon, sprouts, kelp

1 quart leaf lettuce, celery, sprouts, apple

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ??

Sleep
7.5 hours

Supplements
Probiotic
Chanca Piedra
B12
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None

Physically
I am feeling better today. The sore on my throat is almost gone thank goodness. That was a painful thing. I am less fuzzy today. Not quite 100% yet but definitely on the way to recovery.

Positive changes
Smooth skin

Losing weight

Tons of mental energy

Detox
coated tongue

Super thirsty

bumps on arms and legs

pale as the snow that fell today

Emotionally
I am just on fire. My kids weren't home today and I got a ton of stuff done. It feels good. Now I should go and take a shower since I didn't manage to get that done today.

Cravings
Food. I want to chew.

Meditation
None

Ramblings

I chose the above picture for today because I feel that it expresses the juice feast perfectly. It is a ride, just like a roller coaster with it's ups and downs. There is fear and trepidation, exhilaration and excitement. There are periods when you feel like you are on top of the world and then there are times when you feel like you might throw up. When you put all the pieces together you are left with something so fun and wonderful that you want to do it again and again.

When I am in the down periods of my cleansing, it helps me to remember the up times. I know that goes against living in the moment but when the moment sucks it's nice to have something else to keep you going.

I had a comment from someone who said that my detox symptoms are scary. I was kind of struck by it and then I felt like, well, it's kind of true. I don't know why I seem to be struggling more than the majority of the people that are juice feasting. To look at me you would never guess there was this much going on inside this body. I struggle with this because there have been times when I was afraid to post something because I don't want to scare people away who are thinking about doing this. And sometimes I feel like I get sick and tired of posting about how crappy I feel.

But then I remember how important it is to be true to myself and true to everyone out there reading. My journey is just that, MY journey. It has been filled with the ups and the downs and I have learned so much from it. I have grown and shrunk (in size :o) and I am going to come out of this thing better than I went in.

I guess I had hopes that this was going to be it for me. This was my magic bullet and I would go on this juice feast for 92 days and I would be cured of everything that ails me. I think I am realizing that that was unrealistic and that this is simply a stepping stone to learning who I am and learning how to nourish myself and love myself back to health. When I am finished with this feast (in 38 days!) I will keep moving in the direction of greater health and vibrancy.

I read this transcript from Karen Knowler today. It was about the 5 levels of transformation that we go through when we change over to a raw diet. I won't go into all of them but the thing that struck me was that there was no number 6. She said that what she found was that after a person reached level 5 they began again at level 1 this time with new thoughts, new revelations and they can awaken at a different level.

I think it is easy to look for the finish line and to want to be cured or to be thin. Then what? I ask myself this a lot. Then what? There is no finish line. We just keep going, getting better and better everyday. Expanding and becoming more true to ourselves. I like Karen's idea about cycling through again. I feel that I will be beginning a new cycle on April 29th. I will be approaching life with fresh eyes and a renewed spirit for living life to the fullest and savoring life.

Day 53

Photo by Pug Named Roxy on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart orange, spinach, celery

1 quart celery, romaine, leaf lettuce, yam, apple
Not my favorite. Kind of yucky actually.

I know, I know, only 2 quarts! It's terrible. I feel terrible though so yuck juice!

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ??

Sleep
7 hours

Supplements
Probiotic
Chanca Piedra
B12
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
10 min walk

Physically
I am a wreck today. I feel foggy and tired, weak and groggy. I can't believe the amount of work I got done despite how I feel. I am a rock star!

Positive changes
Skin smooth
Losing weight

Detox
Coated tongue
Bad sore on very base of tongue. It's all red and it hurts really bad
Headache
Clear fluid filled bump back again
Weird fuzzy feeling
Mucus in throat
Sore throat

Emotionally
Oh man I am a crabby and impatient bitch today. I feel like taking someones head off. I don't like it. I miss my happy, peaceful feeling. I actually think it might be PMS! I am due in 8 days so it makes sense. It bums me out though because last month it was pretty uneventful and now this. Oh well.

Cravings
Chinese food

Meditation
I created a meditation/hypnosis audio for myself today. It was on self love. It's funny because as I read these things I find myself talking myself into a deep state of relaxation. It feels so good.

Ramblings
I spent a lot of time revamping my website that I have had for a while. I went back and looked at it and it bummed me out so I got busy and made some changes. It's been dormant for a while and probably will remain that way for a bit longer but I want to get it closer to being ready when I decide to re-launch it.

I usually drink my morning water and lemon cold but this morning I couldn't bear the idea of drinking it so cold so I warmed it up. OK, I didn't like it. In fact, it made me feel a bit nauseous. It took me forever to drink it, so much so that it was cool when I finished it.

That's really all I have to say today. Sorry to be so boring. I am just riding out this latest healing episode and waiting to be rejuvenated.

One Minute Shift

Here are some short, one minute videos that I found on One Minute Shift.

Day 52

Photo by Marry Anne Thygesen on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart orange, celery, spinach

1 quart romaine, cilantro, collard greens, tomato, garlic, kelp

1 quart romaine, mango, pineapple, cilantro

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 148

Lost 25.5 lbs

Sleep
6.5 hours

Supplements
Probiotic
Chanca Piedra
B12
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None

Physically
Ugh. I am not feeling too good today. I still have loose stools and I got some heartburn. I went out to the health food store and stocked up on all the things I was out of so I can get back on track.

Positive changes
Skin smooth
Losing weight

Detox
Burning eyes
Coated tongue
Sore spot on back left side of throat
Tired
Bumps on skin as before

Emotionally
I had an amazing Journey process today so despite feeling poor on the physical front I felt really fantastic on the emotional front. I found myself in this large, dark, and cavernous part of my body. It felt very lonely, cold and sad. I only needed to talk with myself and forgive myself for all the times I didn't take care of myself or like myself. It was very powerful and in the end the area that was once dark and lonely was filled with warm, golden light that poured out of me. I was uplifted and felt fantastic. Good stuff.

Cravings
None. I didn't spend as much time surfing the net looking for food but I did wander around Whole foods to see what was going on. I was there to find the magazine Get Fresh that was supposed to be in stores. Unfortunately, my Whole Foods didn't have it. ;o(

I looked at all the prepared food and smelled it while I was there though. It was weird because I didn't crave it. I was just really curious. Then I went next store to the bookstore and bought Ani Phyo's book called Ani's Raw Food Kitchen . I went through the whole book slowly, page by page and I can't wait. I didn't feel compelled to stop though. It's like I am just getting myself ready.

Trash Bag Tango
None

Meditation
My Journey

Ramblings
Today is St. Joseph's Day. When I was young this was a really big deal for me. I would always dress in red and have Italian food. I didn't grow up with any kind of religion especially not Catholic so it didn't have anything to do with religion. It was a way for me to connect with my Italian heritage. The funny thing is that my dad is 100% Italian and 1/2 Sicilian where St. Joseph's day used to be big but he couldn't have cared less about it. It was my thing, just for me. So here is to my Italian side and to St. Joseph.

I had some bananas that were just about to get overripe so I decided to try making some crepes or leather or something. I blended them up in the Vitamix and spread them out on my teflex sheets. I am about to go and take them off, cut them and maybe try to roll them up. We'll see. I had my husband try them and he said they were really good so I think my kids will like them. I hope so.

I am sooooo excited because it seems that I found a place to have my husband's party. The plans have changed a bit and are closer to my original idea that I never told you about. We are going to go camping for the weekend. I found this campground that is only 30 minutes from my house. I am going to reserve a large campsite that is right on the river. The campground has a spring fed swimming hole, fishing, pool and playground. We can bring in a volleyball net and any other kinds of games too.

I talked to some of my friends and they are on board with the Survivor thing. I think I found my host and one of the best party planners and the best builders to help with whatever I need. I sent out an email to friends and family to let them know about the plans and to have them save the date. I heard back from many who are equally excited. One of hubby's old friends is even going to fly in from DC. I think it is going to be awesome!

The best part is I hate camping! I love all the fun stuff you do while camping, I just hate sleeping in a tent so hubby is going to appreciate it even more. Plans are in the works to be an unforgettable weekend. Yeah!!!

So I am off to roll banana leather that I won't be eating and then I will be dropping in bed fast asleep. Sweet dreams.

Challenge of Love

The other day for my meditation I pulled the Self Love Card from my Journey Deck.

Self Love

Often we are so busy - there's so much to do, to accomplish, to achieve - that we overlook our own self. This card is inviting you to take some time to honor your self.

Often we are quick to forgive others, quick to see their talents and their beauty, but much harder on ourselves. Take a moment to sit quietly in gratitude for all that you are. Make a list of all the qualities, talents, moments of giving, caring, kindness, beauty, brilliance, creativity that your own self has given you. Let the list overflow.

Ten make a fresh page of praise, expressing your gratitude for being yourself. When was the last time you praised yourself or acknowledged your beauty? It's time to be reckless: lavish yourself in self-love. Then find a gift, something significant, just for you. It can be a flower, a piece of music, something meaningful that says, "I honor you, I cherish you, I'm grateful." It's time to honor your own self. You deserve.

This got me thinking what a great idea this was for me to do and what a great idea it would be to share with my blogging friends. So I decided to make it a bit of a challenge. Instead of sharing fun facts about yourself, I am inviting you to spend some time doing the exercise above and sharing it on your blog. You can invite others to do the same and soon we will have a community of people who are appreciating and loving themselves.

Now I know it may seem awkward for some of you to "brag" about yourselves (because it was for me too). But I encourage you to push past that uncomfortable feeling and really give yourself some love. It isn't bragging. It is sharing your gifts with the world and more importantly giving yourself a much needed boost of confidence and a dose of self love.

Here is how it works: Do the exercise exactly as described above for yourself and then choose 3 things from your list of qualities and traits, and 3 from your list of self praise to share. At the end, post an online gift in the form of a picture, song, or video that honors you. Have fun with it. Here is mine:

Qualities and Gifts
1. I have beautiful eyes - for years people have commented on them. Strangers have come up to me and told me how beautiful my eyes are. Even when my skin and body where looking worse for the wear, my eyes still looked beautiful. I feel especially blessed that my children seem to have inherited my eyes.

2. I am a good communicator and public speaker - I am not sure what it is but when I am on, I am on. I am able to communicate in a way that is down to earth, simple and effective. I have taught people how to do many things over the years and I always get comments on how much they enjoyed it. It is definitely one of my strengths.

3. I am always willing to help out a friend in need- I have helped many people throughout the years with many different things. When I was divorced and living in a house with my 2 small children I let one of my friends stay with me. She also had 2 small boys about the same age. I had a small house so all 4 boys stayed together in one room. It makes me feel good to be able to help out when someone is going through something tough.

Praise and Honoring:
1. I honor myself for continuing to learn and to grow. It was easy to get comfortable inside my own little world and just stay there but I have expanded beyond that and am always learning new things. I have changed so much that sometimes I don't even recognize the old me. It is so awesome because this is the TRUE ME! Not what I think people will relate to, only what I relate to.

2. I honor myself for looking beyond "me" and doing what is right. When I got divorced and my ex-husband had a child by another woman I could have easily held onto the hurt and anger but I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't do it. I would not blame that innocent baby for being born into this situation and I would encourage a healthy relationship between my children and their brother. I used to babysit him on a regular basis, take him out with us, and we have even taken him on our family vacation with us. It is a healthy relationship for everyone and one that I am proud of.

3. I honor myself for learning how to love myself. This post would have been impossible for me to write before. I didn't really like any part of who I was. The funny thing is that nothing about me has changed, I now simply allow the truth to be heard by myself. I am proud that I have taken time for me, that I have learned that it is OK to think I am pretty cool. I am proud that I have learned to balance loving myself with loving those around me.

My gift to myself:
I thought long and hard about what gift I wanted to give myself. I began searching the Internet for a beautiful picture, I thought of all the moving songs I know that touch my heart and all the inspirational videos I have watched that have moved me to tears.

In the end, I decided on the following pictures of my children. As soon as I saw them I knew they were perfect. The first is the official Christmas card picture I sent out in 2007. Wow, they are beautiful and they take my breath away.

The second is the funny picture they got to take as a reward for posing so nicely for mom. It cracks me up and helps me remember the simple joy in life, the childhood innocence that I have long forgotten but is being awakened in me. It reminds me of the true gifts that I have been given in my life and the joy that I have everyday, right here, under my roof whenever I am present enough to accept it.

Love to all of you!!!

Day 51

Photo by Josef.Stuefer on Flickr

Juices in order of consumption
1 quart orange, celery, spinach

1 quart celery, romaine, cilantro, tomato

1 quart celery, spinach, pineapple

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today ?

Sleep
7.5hours

Supplements
Chanca Piedra
B12
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None

Physically
I am having a bit of stomach stuff going on again today. I have some diarrhea, gurgling and yuckiness. I feel drained and a bit crabby.

Positive changes
smooth skin

losing weight

Detox
coated tongue

mucus

red bumps on legs

bumps on upper arms

tummy stuff

Emotionally
I am tired and drained. I really just want to go to bed or veg in front of the TV. I will be keeping it short tonight.

Cravings
Raw food.

Trash Bag Tango
None

Meditation
None

Ramblings
Not much happened today. I felt lousy and sat in front of the computer for as much time as I could looking at raw food pictures and raw food recipes. I know, I know, it is crazy but I just can't help it. It's like my new addiction. I am enjoying it so much. I even bought a raw food ebook. You would think I was ending this feast this week by the way I am acting. I just really want some food.

The funny thing is that I have been doing this for about a week and it hasn't bothered me but now that I am not feeling so good I am struggling with it. Just another obstacle and if today is anything like the past healing episodes I have had (which I am sure it is) then it will be over soon. I will just hang on wait.

I am going to keep it short tonight my friends. I can't wait to lie down although I am sure I will be up and running to the bathroom a million times. ;o)