Day 58

It was the ugly bits and wobbly parts The flabbiness and broken heart that kept her from seeing her beauty. So much beauty.

Juices in order of consumption
Shot flax and evening primrose oil

1 quart spinach, orange, celery, coconut oil, spirulina

1 quart romaine, pineapple, mint, celery

1 quart leaf lettuce, tomato, celery, garlic, cilantro, kelp, chlorella

1 quart spinach, apple, celery



Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 145

Hmmm, I gained. The scale is going the wrong way ladies and gents. Oh well, it's about to be that time of the month again! Time flies.

Sleep
8.5 hours

Supplements
Probiotic
Chanca Piedra
B12
B5 morning and evening
Enzymes with each juice
Colon Cleanse

Exercise
None-See ramblings

Physically
I had a little bloating and gas today. Nothing horrible. I am not nearly as sore as I was last week when I went to yoga. Yeah baby!

Positive changes
Skin smooth
Losing weight - I fit into my skinny jeans. They are a bit tight but who cares, they fit. I wore them all day.
I think my nails might be getting a bit stronger

Detox
Coated tongue
Red bumps legs
Bumps on arms

Emotionally
It was a wonderful day. I felt so good. The sun was shining even though it was still too cold for me to be out too long. Just having the sun out there feels nice.

Cravings
None

Meditation
I did a Journey today and then spent some time in meditation afterwards.

Ramblings
So I was planning on going to the health club to work out on the machines since they didn't have a class I could take. I got myself ready to go and then I was overcome with this really sick feeling in my stomach. It was like I couldn't do it. I couldn't go. Exercising has been something I have struggled with since junior high. As soon as I entered high school I pretty much gave up on any kind of physical activity. It is an unusual sight to see me running or sweating.

My younger kids were gone for the day and the older ones were locked up in their room playing some kind of electronic device so I decided to lock myself in my bathroom and see if I could sit in this dreaded feeling I was getting. To understand it and to welcome it.

It ended up turning into a Journey process and a very productive one. I cleared out so much stuff, only some of it related to exercise. It's funny that I talked about my dad last night because I processed him today. He was very athletic and taught me how to play basketball when I was very young. He was (and still is) very competitive and he taught me well. I was good. I was the captain of the basketball team in junior high.

When I went to high school I tried out for the basketball team and made it. I was the only one of my friends and I didn't know anyone on the team so I quit and told my dad I didn't make it. That was the last athletic thing I have done.

My journey took me back to that time and to the worthlessness and fear I felt. I had a tough dialog with my dad. It was amazing because in the midst of it I had a complete breakdown. This was also the time that my parents got divorced and my dad moved out of the house. The day it happened was very traumatic for me and I was begging my dad not to leave. During the Journey I was transported back to that time and was begging and pleading him to stay, telling him I would be good, anything if he would stay.

Through the tools I learned I was able to understand it and forgive from that age(this is very important). It was quite powerful I have to say. It didn't end there. I next went on to talk to the part of myself that kept me from being physical. I was mad and couldn't understand what good it was doing me by keeping me sedentary, unhealthy and fat. I was able to get a full understanding of what that part was protecting me from, the horrible feelings I had back then and didn't know how to deal with. I was able to forgive and clear. I hope this makes sense. I am trying to give a brief overview without going into too much detail.

When I finished up I was elated and light. I know I did some heavy duty cellular clearing and it felt good...long overdue. The energy that was running through me was wonderful.

The picture I posted today was done by a woman named Kal Barteski from Love Life. I think it is beautiful and the words that I have put underneath are the words that she wrote on the piece. Amazingly put and so poignant for so many of us struggling with our body image.

I have noticed that as I go along on this juice feast I have a better body image. I hold myself differently. I stand a little straighter I suck my stomach in a bit more. When I look at myself in the mirror and I see the excess that is on me, especially my stomach I smile. I thank it for being there and then I tell it it is free to go now. I am strong enough to deal with whatever it was protecting me from, buffering me from. There is no way in hell I would have or could have done that just 2 short months ago. The changes have been phenomenal and because they have been so gradual they have gone unnoticed, unappreciated. Not today!