Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Day 23

I decided to post a picture of my boys since I spent so much time with them the last few days. It was taken at Christmas time when they were making a gingerbread house. From left to right is Liam 7, Cody 14, Devin 10, Aidan 5, and Dallas 15.


Juices, Supplements etc. in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, orange, celery

1 quart romaine, tomato, cucumber, garlic, onion, kelp turmeric

1 quart spinach, pear, mint, celery, cucumber
I put an extra pear in it today because I was worried it would taste bad from sitting all day. It tasted beautiful

1/2 quart spinach, orange, celery
I enjoyed the taste of it but I was so full and bloated when I was drinking it that I just could not finish it.

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today No scale

Sleep
9.5 hours

Still getting tons of sleep.

Exercise
10 min. walking
Packing up the family to go home

Physically
I felt good today. I was a bit stiff when I woke up but once I got moving it was all good. I had good energy and even stayed up really late.

Positive changes
Skin on body is nice
Pants getting loose (husband made a comment)
Face is beginning to look better. I have more of a glow again.

Detox
Tongue is coated
Geographic tongue
Still have some pimples and a bit of a rash on forehead along hairline
Dry hands

Emotionally
I had a good day. I felt a bit more centered. I listened to what I wanted and not what I thought I should do. I spent time with the kids, played cards with the hubby and spent some time reading my book. It was a good day.

Cravings
So I woke up after having the most realistic dream. I dreamt that I had eaten food when I was supposed to be on my juice feast. Not just food but big, juicy, hamburgers loaded with all the things I love. The funny thing is I don't usually ever crave hamburgers. I eat them if my family is eating them but I would never think, "oh man, I need a hamburger." I did feel like that during some of my pregnancies however. Hold on, let me figure out where I am in relation to this feast...Ha, it is 7 1/2 years ago. I was pregnant with my Little Liam. I was probably craving burgers at that time.

Anyway, during the dream I had this feeling like, is this real? Am I really eating this food? Is it a dream? I also had this tremendous guilt like, what the hell have I done? I have just ruined my juice feast and what am I going to say on my blog.

I continued to crave heavy food throughout the day.

Trash Bag Tango
None

Meditation
None

Ramblings
I did manage to go into Subway with my family and spend time with them while they ate. I brought in my green juice and sipped away. I wasn't too bothered by it. There were a few moments but overall it went well.

A police officer came in and looked at my juice like it was the plague. He pointed at it and gave me this look like what the hell is that. I told him that it was my dinner and he just walked away. Very strange.

It was good to get home and then I listened to the messages. My 14 year old got an hour detention for being tardy to class 3 times. Then I checked my email to see that he is also failing a class. Then I checked the 15 year old's grades and they were even worse. UGH! I want to copy some things from A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle that I just happened to read that day about parenting.

If you have young children, give them help, guidance, and protection to the best of your ability, but even more important, give them space - space to be. They come into this world through you, but they are not "yours."...

Give them as much help and guidance as you can, but realize that you may also at times have to allow them to make mistakes, especially as they begin to reach adulthood. At times, you may also have to allow them to suffer...

Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could spare them from all suffering? No, it wouldn't. They would not evolve as human beings and would remain shallow, identified with the external form of things. Suffering drives you deeper...

These words spun around in my head after my initial shock and unconscious reaction. It is so difficult to know what to do with kids. It is one thing to try things out with yourself, to experiment until you think you might get it right. It's a completely different thing when you know you are affecting another life.

There is a part of me that wants to step in, to buckle down, to take control and get the desired effect. It is the same part of me that took away their phones, computers, video games and TV privileges. It is the part that listens to my dad who says I need to be watching over them and making sure they do a good job.

Then there is another part of me that knows that didn't work with me and wonders if it will work with them. A part that hears the words of Eckhart Tolle and understands them from some depth in my being. That knows these boys are here to take their own journey with their own lessons and who am I to know what is "right" or "wrong" for them. This is the part that had me tell them "I don't know what to do. I want what is best for you, it's just that I can't presume to know what that is. I can't make you do anything, that is quite apparent. You have to want it, you have to do it for yourself. I will help you, but I can't do it for you."

These two parts are raging a war inside of me. They are competing for action. They are both having their say in some way. I want to give into the words of wisdom from Mr. Tolle but I am afraid. Afraid at failing, afraid of allowing my children to fail. This is a big deal for me and I am only just beginning to figure it out.

3 comments:

David and Katrina Rainoshek said...

Hello!!

Your boys are beautiful, thank you for sharing the photo!!

YOU are beautiful! Thank you for being a glowing example to all of us.

Love and hugs,

David and Katrina

pixywinks said...

Listen to ET. You can't do it for them. Whatever you do will be the right thing. You can't get it wrong.
Be joyous. Be happy. Your boys are beautiful.
Huggles
Pixy

Hanlie said...

Your children are beautiful! You are so blessed. I agree with Pixywinks, listen to ET. I grew up with high expectations and parental disapproval and it has prompted me to swing from being an over-achiever to being an under-achiever all my life, with absolutely no middle ground. Needless to say, this caused me to be extremely hard on myself!

I am going to make myself a spinach, celery, orange juice right now. When I saw that I knew that it was exactly what I felt like!