Day 27

Photo by The Artist on Flickr

Juices, Supplements etc. in order of consumption
1 quart leaf lettuce, garlic, celery, snap peas, asparagus, cilantro, lemon, kelp
1/2 head leaf lettuce, 1 garlic, ton of celery, handful snap peas, 4 asparagus, 2 handfuls cilantro, 1/2 lemon

This had a nice taste. I couldn't even taste the asparagus.

1 quart romaine, cilantro, celery, yellow pepper, garlic, kelp

1 head romaine, 1 bunch cilantro, 4 celery, 1/4 lg. yellow pepper, 1 garlic

I love cilantro!

1 quart leaf lettuce, dill, celery, asparagus, lemon, onion, garlic

1 head leaf lettuce, 2 handfuls dill, 4 celery, 6 asparagus, 1/2 lemon, 2 onion, 2 garlic

Not so good.

You will notice that I had NO fruit today. I am going to try and cut it out and see how I do. The only time it was weird was in the morning. I always feel like I should have some kind of fruit in the morning.

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today forgot to weigh again!

Sleep
8 hours

Exercise
None

Physically
I have a bit of heartburn, gas and gurgling today. It has lessened a bit today. It may be winding down.

Positive changes
Weight loss

Skin smooth

Face is changing

Detox
Coated tongue

Geographic tongue

Bad taste in mouth today

BO again today

Emotionally
I felt good today. The sun was shining and it got up to 41 degrees today. You know you've had a bad winter when you are excited about being out in 41 degrees. I saw neighbors out walking with their kids that I haven't seen since Halloween. It felt fresh, uplifting and exciting. I was smiling a lot today.

Cravings
None, not even fruit!

Trash Bag Tango
I continued to work on my blue room. I cleaned through old magazines, cleaned off my desk, hubby helped me hang some pictures and I reorganized some things. I still have a bit of work tomorrow.

Meditation
I pulled the "soul" card from my Water Crystal Oracle. I only spent a few minutes meditating on it but I did place it under my water for 2 hours again and then drank the water.

Ramblings
I am an apple. All the women in my family are pears and I am an apple. I have skinny little legs and when I gain weight, I gain it in my stomach first. The women were all sitting around complaining once about their big butts and their "saddlebags." I told them that they should be glad because there are plenty of men who like a big butt; it turns them on. There aren't that many guys who like a big stomach. My uncle was quick to say yes to that. I guess he's an ass man.

So anyway, I was listening to Brian Clement talk about juice feasting and foods to eat to lose body fat in the stomach. He was saying that the new generation has given us some bright light on the subject of detox (juice feasting). He was saying green and sprout juices are so high in protein that they really limit the hunger in people.

He also talked about losing stomach fat. He said that unfortunately he can't give us a food but that everyone should be doing abdominal exercises every day, 7 days a week. He has worked up to doing just under 400 a day, every day! Wow. You might want to listen to it. It is only 3 min. long.

Speaking of exercise, I have been lacking in this area. I read what Anthony the raw model wrote on We Like it Raw. This quote was meaningful to me:

You MUST come from pleasure if you expect a new habit to take hold. By forcing yourself to do something that you don't yet WANT to do, even if you know that you really should do it, you will only secure your failure for later. Which usually happens after people loose the initial momentum of getting started.

I am going to invest in some audio books that I can listen to while exercising so that I will change my "limiting mentality." In fact, I am going to be all alone tonight. Hubby is playing poker, and all the kids are sleeping over at someone else's house. I think I might mosey on over to the bookstore and see what I can find. I have money that I found when I cleaned my room :o)

I was invited to go to yoga class with 2 of my friends tomorrow morning. We all joined the same health club that just opened up about 1 1/2 weeks ago. I haven't even gone yet. I absolutely am dying to go do yoga. The thing is I am having a hard time bringing myself to go with these two women. They happen to be the thinnest women I know and one of them is the neighborhood dream girl. All the men in our area, married or not, drool over her. I am feeling very uncomfortable going.

Now I know this is my insecurity talking. I know it shouldn't make a difference. I know, I know, I know. I just can't seem to get over it. I feel like even if I force myself to go I will be so self conscious that I won't even enjoy myself. It is so crazy and it just pisses me off! I will probably force myself to go anyway to get out of my comfort zone and because I really want to do yoga. I just want to do it alone. Keep me in your thoughts.

I was reading my Eckhart Tolle book, A New Earth at my son's basketball game today and the woman next to me started talking about it. She said she got it because of Oprah. Then my husband dropped my kids off at a friend's house and when he came home he said, "Amy wants to know if you are reading Oprah's Book club book." I love Oprah!!! How cool is it that so many people are being introduced to this because of her?

I was telling the woman at the basketball game that I wish I could just live in the book, roll around in it and absorb all of the words, all of the teachings through osmosis. That is truly how I feel about it. It is really touching me. I will leave you with a quote.

If you complain, feel self-pity, or resent being ill, your ego becomes stronger. It also becomes stronger if you make the illness part of your conceptual identity: "I am the sufferer of such and such a disease." Ah, so now we know who you are.

Bookshelf Tango

I spent hours yesterday organizing my bookshelf in my office (or what we affectionately call the blue room) by color. I was inspired by the picture I found on flickr and posted on day 11. Now I don't have as many books as that woman so I had to do what I could. All the books on the top shelf are white, gold, brown or black. I was surprised how many white books I have!

I think it looks pretty good. My hubby, on the other hand does not like it at all. Oh well. I am not sure how practical it will be. I already found a few books that I forgot about and I don't really know what to do with them. Also I have books of so many different sizes that I pulled them all forward on the shelf so they would look consistent. Every time I pull one out I have to fix them. It might be worth it for the spectrum of color but then again, I don't know. I will keep it for a while and see how it goes.

I used to have my books categorized by the type of book; mosaic here, nutrition there, miscellaneous, spiritual etc. I had books filling up all the bookshelves (I have 4 more that are not photographed. Now I have all this empty space that I have to fill in so I am going to keep playing with it and see what I can do.

Day 26

Photo by Doug Greenberg on Flickr

Juices, Supplements etc. in order of consumption
1 quart celery, spinach, pear, mint

1 quart romaine, onion, garlic, carrot, cucumber, celery, cilantro, hemp, kelp
I have been craving more kelp. I have been putting 1/2 tsp in instead of 1/4

1 quart spinach, strawberry, pear, cucumber
1/2 lb spinach, 1/2 pint strawberries, 1 pear, 4 stalks celery
This was OK. It sounded so good to me and then it only tasted OK.

I couldn't quite finish the 3rd quart. I only left a little though.

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 157.5

Total of 16 lbs

Sleep
6.5 hours

Exercise
5 min rebounder

Physically
Same ol' same ol' with the stomach. I cut out the oranges to see if that is what did it. I was thinking about it and then Hanlie suggested it too so I figured I should. Of course it is my favorite tasting juice. Oh well.

I also have some really bad gas...it doesn't smell too good either. Eeew. I am not used to that!

Positive changes
Smooth skin
Losing weight
I brushed a skin tag off my neck with the skin brush
I feel like I have more energy internally

Detox
Lots of mucus
Rash along hairline
Dry hands
Coated tongue
Geographic tongue

Emotionally
Today was a good day emotionally. I felt centered and productive.

Cravings
None. We had company and they ate pizza and I didn't even want it. Of course it if was the kind of pizza I like that might have been a different story.

Trash Bag Tango
I had a big day with this. I can't tell you what it is yet though. I trying to take a picture but all I have is my cell phone camera which didn't do it justice. I will keep trying and keep you posted. Sorry to be such a tease, well not really. ;o)

Meditation
I did my meditation a little different today. I have these Water Crystal Oracle cards from Masaru Emoto. I randomly pulled a card which was the Brain card. Kindness was the word associated with it. I held the card and meditated on kindness for a while. Then I put the card under my water for 2 hours and then I drank it.

Ramblings
I found this adorable video on someone's blog yesterday and now I can't figure out who it was. I want to share it with you because it is just so cute. Apparently this woman found an injured lion and nursed it back to health. When it was healthy enough it went into a zoo or something. The video is the woman being reunited with the lion and you just can't believe it!

http://www.telestereo.com/Archivos/video.html

The Global Juice feast is only days away now and I am really excited for it to start. I have been making all kinds of friends on the Global Juice Feast site. It is such great fun and I love it. I started a group for Illinois juice feasters. It would be so fantastic if there were some people in my area that were going to be a part of this juice feast.

The picture I posted today is of Costa Rica. Ever since that Frederic Patenaude started posting about living and vacationing and running his online business from Costa Rica I have been wanting to go there. The weather sounds fantastic and I want to check it out. Just thought I would share.

Hubby is waiting for me so I am keeping it short. Have a great night!

Day 25

Photo by Weeping-Willow on Flickr

Juices, Supplements etc. in order of consumption
1 quart orange and romaine

I was out of everything else so this is what was left. It was surprisingly good, a bit sweet but good.

1 quart romaine, celery, cabbage, carrot, cilantro, cucumber

1 head romaine, 5 stalks celery, a couple of shredded cabbage, a couple handfuls baby carrots, 1 big handful cilantro, 1/2 large cucumber

The cabbage gave it a bit of a different taste but I liked it.

That is all the juice I had. My stomach was upset and I just couldn't stand the thought of choking down more juice only to be bloated, gassy and sick.

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today Forgot to weigh myself :o(

Sleep
8 hours

Exercise
5 minutes on rebounder

Physically
I am sure you already know. I had stomach issues again. Enough said. I don't want to dwell on it. It will get better.

Positive changes
Skin on body is nice

Pants getting loose

Face is looking different. I went in the bathroom today and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I was stopped dead in my tracks. I didn't even look like myself. My face looks so different. Not just thinner, but I didn't recognize myself.

I went out and said to my husband, "Does my face look different to you?" Before he even looked at me he said a resounding yes. He said he noticed it to and he liked it ;o)

Detox
Tongue is coated

Geographic tongue

Dry hands

Stomach - don't know if it's detox though

Emotionally
I felt very productive today. I felt like I got so much done. It was mostly reading, researching, listening, learning etc. but it was great. I have this inner energy today. I can't really explain it. It is like I am raring to go and it is 9:30pm and I don't see it slowing down any time soon. It's not a physical energy though.

Cravings
Homemade chicken noodle soup. It's what my family had for dinner and the smell was brutal. Looking at it was tough.

Trash Bag Tango
None

Meditation
15 minutes

Ramblings
My good friend Hanlie, who I seem to be mentioning in every post these days, has awarded me with the Juice Feasting Award. You can read more about it here. I am so grateful for the award and the funny thing was that when Hanlie got hers I was thinking, "Aw, I was going to give her an award and Ben beat me to it." Thanks again!

For every day that you partake in the juice feast it is like going back 120 days. I think this is the coolest thing. I love to figure out where I am in relation to this concept. Today I am about 8 years back. I was 30 years old and I had 3 kids. We were living in our old house in our home town. It was a decent sized house for 5 people. We loved the location.

I think this is right around the time that I was finally free from my long standing postpartum depression that I had with my third son. I had been to a therapist and it was a joke. I spent so much time there and $. She wanted me to go on medication but I didn't want to take the drugs. After months and months with no improvement I finally caved and succumbed to the drugs. They worked like a charm.

Of course I was eating horribly, unconsciously. I feel like so much of my life was in a fog. I think back and I can hardly remember. If only I would have known what I know now... If only I would have known what I know now, I wouldn't be the person that I am today so it's all perfect.

I have so much left to detox. When I complete the full 92 days I will have gone back to 8 years old. The funny thing is that I really think I need to go back farther. I would have to Juice Feast for about 116 days to make it back to my birth and an extra 3 days to clear out my time in the womb. That takes me to 119 days.

Can I do that? Or do I wait and do another feast at a later time to get all the way back. The thing is that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the saddest, scariest and most emotional times for me were before the age of 8 and I know I need to deal with that. Katrina, if your reading this, could you let me know if it is possible to do the feast for that long? Thanks so much.

Since beginning to write this post and reflecting on all of this I have begun to wind down. I will say goodnight and sweet dreams to all of you!

Food Combining

In my last post regarding Digestion, Hanlie left me the following comment:

Another very effective way to combat digestive problems (and this has changed people's lives) is to never combine concentrated foods. Either have a concentrated starch with vegetables, or concentrated protein with fruit and vegetables. It really makes a huge difference and is one of the Five Steps of The Natural Way.

I have read a lot about it but have never really taken the time to look at it. When I was eating SAD I would have flare-ups, stop eating for a few days and everything would be fine. Then I went raw and I had the worst time. It was so frustrating having stomach issues all the time.

When I started juicing I thought I would be free of all this indigestion, bloating etc. I thought it might be a problem for a while but honestly I thought by day 25 I wouldn't have to worry about it. It is not the case.

With my stomach gurgling and churning and the pain in my esophagus increasing I decided to take some time to do some research today.


As you can see by the two different charts that I have posted here there are some different opinions. The chart to the left (OFC) states fruits can't be mixed with anything other than fruits. The above chart(FCH) says vegetables can be mixed with everything and sub-acid and acid fruits are good with lettuce and celery.

Then there is Victoria Boutenko's book Green For Life that states Greens are to be considered their own category of food and that they combine well with everything. Her smoothie recipes combine bananas, pears, strawberries and more with greens.

I looked at my educational course from the Creative Health Institute that follows Ann Wigmore's philosophy and it says fruit can only be eaten by itself and that includes tomatoes which are sub acid fruits. Ann Wigmore did say that watermelon can be mixed into blended soup and the recipe section includes recipes that have apples mixed into the energy soup so there is some contradictory information here.

Then I found the following quote in The Optimum Nutrition Bible by Patrick Holford:

Protein and carbohydrate are digested differently. That is a fact. Carbohydrate digestion starts in the mouth when the digestive enzyme amylase, which is present in saliva, starts to act on the food you chew. Once you swallow food and it enters the relatively acid environment of the stomach, amylase stops working. Only when the food leaves the stomach, where the digestive environment becomes more alkaline, can the next wave of amylase enzymes, this time secreted into the small intestine from the pancreas, continue and complete the digestion of carbohydrate.

Protein, on the other hand, is not digested in the mouth at all. It needs the acid environment of the stomach and may hang out there for three hours until all the complex proteins are broken down into smaller collections of amino acids known as peptides. This happens only in the stomach because it contains the high levels of hydrochloric acid needed to activate the protein-digesting enzyme pepsin. Once peptides leave the stomach, they meet peptidase enzymes, again from the pancreas, which break them down into individual amino acids, ready for absorption.

He goes on to talk about the difference of a meat eater's diet and a vegetarian being different and finishes up the discussion with this:

I see no problem in combining rice, lentils, beans, vegetables, nuts and seeds.

Now I know that greens have a high protein content but I believe that because they are high in amino acids which are the building blocks of protein they don't have to get broken down as described above. Of course I may be wrong about this. I am not exactly sure.

I decided to break down some of my last meals to see where they fit in with some of the rules I found and to see if I am making bad food combining choices.

1. Orange (acid fruit), Spinach (green), Celery (vegetable)
   FCH - Good
   OFC - Bad
   Green for Life (GFL) - Good


2. Romaine (green), Tomato (acid fruit), Celery (veg), Cilantro (green), Onion (veg), cucumber (veg)
   FCH - Good
   OFC-Bad
   GFL - Good


3. Romaine (green), Celery (veg), Cabbage (veg), Carrot (starch), Cilantro (green), cucumber (veg)
   FCH - Good
   OFC - Good
   GFL - Good


4. Kale (green), Pear (sub acid), Cucumber (veg), Celery (veg)
   FCH - ? It says sub acid fruits combine well with lettuce and celery but it says vegetables combine with everything?
   OFC - Bad
   GFL- Not sure about the cucumber

So where does that leave me? Ha ha, I have no idea. Who do I listen to? The funny thing is that I can eat (drink) the same thing one time and be fine and then sick from it another time. For instance; the other day I had my orange, celery, spinach for breakfast and no problem. Then later that evening I had it again and I was so sick I couldn't finish it.

It seems like my first juice of the day is always fine. My second juice is usually fine. My third will sometimes make me sick and the forth will usually make me sick. My stomach seems to stop working as the day goes on. I mentioned this to my hydrotherapist and she wondered if I was allergic to something I was eating. Maybe, I don't really know but again, it is weird that I am OK sometimes and not others.

The other thing that is strange is that the juice I had today was number 3 above and it was the only one that said it was properly combined by all 3 and it made me sick. Hmmmm, I will have to keep looking for answers and if anyone has any suggestions or advice I would love to hear it.

No answers from me today, just questions.

Day 24

Photo by Sage on Flickr

Juices, Supplements etc. in order of consumption
1 quart orange, celery, spinach

1 quart romaine, tomato, celery, cilantro, onion, cucumber, garlic, hemp oil, kelp

1 quart Romaine, cucumber, pear, ginger

Only got 3 quarts in me today. My stomach was upset AGAIN after the second juice. It wasn't bad but once I had the third quart I was done. I could barely finish it. Then I had an upset stomach the rest of the night.

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today 158.5

It was a nice surprise to see the scale after a few days. Woo hoo, that is now a total of 15 lbs. I love how it is so frequently .5. It is funny.

Sleep
6.5 hours

Exercise
5 min. on rebounder

I planned on going to a yoga class at 7:00 but with my stomach feeling as sick as it did I couldn't imagine bending and twisting. Eeew.

Physically
I woke up feeling pretty tired. As usual I wake up like a zombie and as the day goes on I feel better. I am beginning to think I have an adrenal problem. Here is a quote from Gary Null talking about the thyroid:

However, when low energy is most severe upon awakening, even after restful sleep, and in the early morning, it usually implies a low adrenal state.

Hmmm, I wake up tired everyday. I can barely open my eyes some days. They just don't want to function...I don't want to function. I found some good information about adrenal fatigue here.
I should call my doctor and see if I can get any of the tests that they recommend. Probably not. Going to a regular MD has always been such a waste of time for me.

There are some natural things to take for it. I am not sure I want to go that route. I am trying to steer clear from supplements and the like. I want to give my body a chance to heal itself. I decided to go ahead and take the B5 simply because it was quite apparent that I had no peristalsis and I need to get that going. I also had many of the other things B5 is supposed to help so I took it.

I am thinking I will wait and see if detoxing and cleaning myself out will help my body. I will focus my energy on getting my digestive system up and running and see where that leads. I can always re-visit the adrenal issue in 30-60 days.

Positive changes
Skin on body is nice
Pants getting loose
Face is beginning to look better. I have more of a glow again.

Detox
Tongue is coated
Geographic tongue
Still have some pimples and a bit of a rash on forehead along hairline
Dry hands

Emotionally
Not much going on in the emotional department today.

Cravings
I craved stir fry with white rice today.

Trash Bag Tango
Helped my teenagers clean out their backpacks and organize their school work

Meditation
None - I was not home in the morning and my 5 year old was home with me the rest of the day.

Ramblings
I had my second colonic appointment today and I have to tell you I was a bit worried about it. I was going at 9:30am and I was thinking that if I had another session like the first I would not be able to function the rest of the day. Thank goodness it seems like I managed to fully release any and all emotion that was stored down there the first time because nothing came up today.

The hydrotherapist said that this was a much more productive session when it comes to removing actual physical waste. I guess I needed to remove all that emotional waste before the physical waste could come out. Whatever. Bring it on.

There was some really large, clay like bits. I was really shocked at what I saw. I won't go into details (thank goodness right?) but I am guessing it was in there a long time. She was telling me that there have been cases of people having their colon explode from not moving waste out. I had no idea.

The hydrotherapist suggested I do a Liver/Gallbladder cleanse. I have an uncle who lives in Australia and he is a natural health expert. He has helped many people heal themselves of disease including himself. He has been telling me for years I need to do this. I am afraid of it. I know I have gallstones. I had an ultrasound and it is loaded with stones. When I asked about the size of them they wouldn't tell me. I am so worried that something will get stuck. Gallbladder attacks are so painful and I have already suffered so many of them, it is scary.

I am supposed to begin takingChanca Piedra (Stone Breaker) . It is to be taken on days 30-60 of the juice feast and is supposed to breakup kidney, liver and gallbladder stones. I am going to do that and see how it goes. Hopefully I won't need to do the other cleanse after taking this product but if I do I am sure I will muster up the courage.

Hanlie left me a comment the other day:

I was telling my colonic therapist about your colonic and she say that it does sometimes happen, and after a big emotional release with lots of crying, one could normally expect a chunk of weight to fly off.

Thank you so much for that comment. I am not a freak! Yipee! Really, it did make me feel good. It is nice to know that I am not the only one which I guess I know that at some level but it never hurts to hear it. And, thanks for thinking about me when you are getting a colonic. You're so sweet.

Today when my teenagers came home from school I sat with each of them independently and helped them organize their books, folders etc. Their stuff was such a mess. I told them that I wanted to do this with them at the beginning of each quarter and after a bit they would be able to do it on their own.

I didn't lecture them. I asked what kind of homework they had to do and I left them to do it. I continued their grounding from their electronics for 2 reasons. One, I felt I needed to stick with what I had said and two, I think they could use a break from it. I will most likely give them back their privileges next week but limit the use. These phones, computers, and video games can be quite addictive and before you know it, time has passed without getting anything done. I think they may need help with this.

So, we will see. Thank you for the kind comments about this. I will be vigilant to stay centered and remember this is their journey. I will help them but I will not do for them. I am working on it ;o)

Day 23

I decided to post a picture of my boys since I spent so much time with them the last few days. It was taken at Christmas time when they were making a gingerbread house. From left to right is Liam 7, Cody 14, Devin 10, Aidan 5, and Dallas 15.

Juices, Supplements etc. in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, orange, celery

1 quart romaine, tomato, cucumber, garlic, onion, kelp turmeric

1 quart spinach, pear, mint, celery, cucumber
I put an extra pear in it today because I was worried it would taste bad from sitting all day. It tasted beautiful

1/2 quart spinach, orange, celery
I enjoyed the taste of it but I was so full and bloated when I was drinking it that I just could not finish it.

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today No scale

Sleep
9.5 hours

Still getting tons of sleep.

Exercise
10 min. walking
Packing up the family to go home

Physically
I felt good today. I was a bit stiff when I woke up but once I got moving it was all good. I had good energy and even stayed up really late.

Positive changes
Skin on body is nice
Pants getting loose (husband made a comment)
Face is beginning to look better. I have more of a glow again.

Detox
Tongue is coated
Geographic tongue
Still have some pimples and a bit of a rash on forehead along hairline
Dry hands

Emotionally
I had a good day. I felt a bit more centered. I listened to what I wanted and not what I thought I should do. I spent time with the kids, played cards with the hubby and spent some time reading my book. It was a good day.

Cravings
So I woke up after having the most realistic dream. I dreamt that I had eaten food when I was supposed to be on my juice feast. Not just food but big, juicy, hamburgers loaded with all the things I love. The funny thing is I don't usually ever crave hamburgers. I eat them if my family is eating them but I would never think, "oh man, I need a hamburger." I did feel like that during some of my pregnancies however. Hold on, let me figure out where I am in relation to this feast...Ha, it is 7 1/2 years ago. I was pregnant with my Little Liam. I was probably craving burgers at that time.

Anyway, during the dream I had this feeling like, is this real? Am I really eating this food? Is it a dream? I also had this tremendous guilt like, what the hell have I done? I have just ruined my juice feast and what am I going to say on my blog.

I continued to crave heavy food throughout the day.

Trash Bag Tango
None

Meditation
None

Ramblings
I did manage to go into Subway with my family and spend time with them while they ate. I brought in my green juice and sipped away. I wasn't too bothered by it. There were a few moments but overall it went well.

A police officer came in and looked at my juice like it was the plague. He pointed at it and gave me this look like what the hell is that. I told him that it was my dinner and he just walked away. Very strange.

It was good to get home and then I listened to the messages. My 14 year old got an hour detention for being tardy to class 3 times. Then I checked my email to see that he is also failing a class. Then I checked the 15 year old's grades and they were even worse. UGH! I want to copy some things from A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle that I just happened to read that day about parenting.

If you have young children, give them help, guidance, and protection to the best of your ability, but even more important, give them space - space to be. They come into this world through you, but they are not "yours."...

Give them as much help and guidance as you can, but realize that you may also at times have to allow them to make mistakes, especially as they begin to reach adulthood. At times, you may also have to allow them to suffer...

Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could spare them from all suffering? No, it wouldn't. They would not evolve as human beings and would remain shallow, identified with the external form of things. Suffering drives you deeper...

These words spun around in my head after my initial shock and unconscious reaction. It is so difficult to know what to do with kids. It is one thing to try things out with yourself, to experiment until you think you might get it right. It's a completely different thing when you know you are affecting another life.

There is a part of me that wants to step in, to buckle down, to take control and get the desired effect. It is the same part of me that took away their phones, computers, video games and TV privileges. It is the part that listens to my dad who says I need to be watching over them and making sure they do a good job.

Then there is another part of me that knows that didn't work with me and wonders if it will work with them. A part that hears the words of Eckhart Tolle and understands them from some depth in my being. That knows these boys are here to take their own journey with their own lessons and who am I to know what is "right" or "wrong" for them. This is the part that had me tell them "I don't know what to do. I want what is best for you, it's just that I can't presume to know what that is. I can't make you do anything, that is quite apparent. You have to want it, you have to do it for yourself. I will help you, but I can't do it for you."

These two parts are raging a war inside of me. They are competing for action. They are both having their say in some way. I want to give into the words of wisdom from Mr. Tolle but I am afraid. Afraid at failing, afraid of allowing my children to fail. This is a big deal for me and I am only just beginning to figure it out.

Week 3 Review

Photos from left to right: Before, Week 2, Week 3

This has been a great week. I guess it's funny how my perception has changed since beginning this juice feast. I don't think I EVER would have thought this was a good week before. What with the illness, cravings, emotional dumping and the like. I mean really, is this good? Well, yes it is. It is exactly where I need to be. I am working through 38 years of abuse to my body, not caring about myself, and addictions to food and drinks. Did I think it was going to be a cake walk? No. Is this probably one of the greatest things that I have done for my body? Yes! So woo hoo, that's a great week!

I am so grateful for having gone on that vacation with my family and for having it bring up a whole slew of issues that I might not have dealt with otherwise. I can't urge those of you who are beginning a juice feast enough to go on living your life as normal as much as possible. You want stuff to come up so you can get it out. If I chose to sit home and buffer myself from the temptations and my regular life I would probably still have success with this juice feast on one level. I think that I would be missing an opportunity for healing on multiple levels. And once I went back to eating I would have a harder time dealing with those issues. When you are only taking in juice you are very light and clean and because you are not eating anything it is very easy to see your patterns being thrown up in your face. And that's what I want. I want to deal with it all and start fresh. It is like being reborn.

I want to take some time to acknowledge all of you who have sent me support throughout this feast. Your comments and messages have inspired me and kept me going. It is so fantastic to have a community of like-minded people to lift you up and help you learn.

I especially want to thank Hanlie! Yes girl, you! I so, so, so, appreciate your knowledge, your comments and your fantastic blog. I was missing you when I was gone. Isn't that funny, we've never even spoken to each other and we live on opposite side of the world yet I missed you on vacation. Well I did! So love you, love you, love you!

The Global Juice Feast is beginning on March 1st and there are so many people who will be beginning this journey. I am very excited because I know how powerful it can be. I also truly believe that there will be a bit of an energy shift on March 1st. The energy of so many people coming together for healing is exciting.

Sorry for the multiple post. I am having Blogger troubles.

Day 22

Juices, Supplements etc. in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, orange celery

8 oz strawberry, orange

1 quart romaine, celery, cucumber, tomato, cilantro, garlic, onion, broccoli, hemp oil, kelp
Spicy, I put in extra garlic. Whew!

1 quart kale, celery, cucumber, pear, mint, spinach

1 quart romaine, celery, tomato, cucumber, orange pepper, turmeric, kelp

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today No scale

Sleep
9.5 hours

Exercise
80 minutes walking

Physically
I woke up feeling OK and felt better as the day went on . I had a lot of fun with the kids and my hubby. I had my first official normal sized bowel movement without an enema. I was so happy and thanked my body. I never thought I would thank my body for taking a sh*t. :o)

Positive changes
Skin on body is nice
Pants getting loose
Face is beginning to look better. I have more of a glow again.

Detox
Tongue is coated
Geographic tongue
Still have some pimples and a bit of a rash on forehead along hairline
Dry hands

Emotionally
Wow, I woke up feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the food issues. I couldn't sleep and no one else was up so I was just lying there thinking. I was thinking about the food that I wanted. I wanted pasta, pizza...heavy foods. Foods that would "fill me up." I didn't want anything light like a salad, that wouldn't do me any good.

I started wondering why do I want these things. Why do I need to be filled up? I went into the other room and I wrote the following down"

What would happen if I were empty?
I would be all alone.
Then what?
I would be scared.
Then what?
I would cry.
Then what?
I would be weak.
Then what?
I wouldn't be good enough.
Then what?
No one would love me.
Then what?
I would be worthless.
Then what?
I would shrivel up and die.
Then what?
I would start again with the same issues.
Then what?
I would cycle through the whole thing again.
Then what?
I would figure out that I was never empty, never alone. I was always good enough, always perfect.
Then what?
I would love me.

It seems so simple when I write it out on paper. The awareness of it is screaming out at me. It is so obvious that I can't look to anyone or anything to fill me up, to make me feel good about myself or to love me. I have the power myself. If only I could remember it more often. I will!

When my hubby woke up I started to tell him how hard it was to do this juice feast while on vacation and how my vacations revolve around food. I wanted to be honest because I felt this huge expectation mostly from myself but also from him that vacations are supposed to be fun and I was working through a crap load of sh*t. I began crying as I talked and I was able to empty out.

Later, he pulled me aside and wanted to tell me that he had been thinking about what I said about my ideas around vacation and food. He said that the more he thought about it the more he could relate to what I was saying. He said that he is always amazed that when we go on vacation with my family it revolves so much around food. He gave me some examples with my mom and my dad. It was so great to have his point of view to help me see it.

It occurred to me that my issues with food and vacations are very closely related to my mom's (um, ok, they are the same). I also realized that for me sitting around a restaurant table was associated with love and attention. When I spent time with my parents it was usually at a restaurant table. I know that isn't the usual thing you hear but I grew up in a restaurant family. We ate out every day and if it wasn't someone else's restaurant it was our restaurant. There are a lot of ties there.

So good for me for dealing with it and simply becoming aware of it. Good for me for having a husband who is so willing to help me through this. Every day is a new step in the right direction and some are even new leaps.

Cravings
Again, I was just craving heavy, filling food. I told my husband that I know I am not ready to come off this feast because I know if I did I would be gorging myself with anything and everything in sight. Not quite healthy just yet.

Trash Bag Tango
None

Meditation
None

Ramblings
In the quiet times today I was reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I have been slowly getting through it and I can't rave about it enough. I feel like I am highlighting the entire book. It is just so fantastic to learn more about things I have been exposed to in the past. It is also great to look at the ego in a different way.

I took a course through The Journey called No Ego. It was life changing for me to see how the different types of egos show up and to realize that they are all roads to unhappiness. This book is weaving its way through some of the same material but from a different direction. It is so powerful.

Day 21

Photo by Dalboz17 on Flickr

Juices, Supplements etc. in order of consumption
1 quart spinach, orange, celery

1 quart celery, kale, spinach, cucumber, pear, mint

Tasted awful. Seems I have become a bit of a juice snob. I am so used to making my juice right before I drink it. This time I had to make it ahead and it was so bitter. I tried to add an extra pear to it but it was rough to drink.

8 oz Orange Strawberry

2 oranges, 4 oz strawberry

This was like a little slice of heaven. Oh my gosh I loved it!

1 quart romaine, tomato, celery, onion, garlic, cilantro, hemp oil, kelp, turmeric, cayenne

Weight
Starting 173.5
Today No scale on vacation

Sleep
8 hours

Exercise
Rebounder 5 minutes (I jumped while my kids were eating their breakfast)

Walking 80 minutes (our room was super duper far from the water parks so we had quite a long walk. I had to go back and forth many times to get my juicing in)

Physically
Felt fine and was surprised at how fast I walked and how I felt good. I was a bit tired by the end of the day and could hardly keep my eyes open.

Positive changes
Skin on body is nice

Pants getting loose

Detox
Tongue is coated and I now have sores on it. Looks a bit like geographic tongue I had during some of my pregnancies.

Face still looking ruddy with some pimples and a bit of a rash on forehead along hairline

Dry hands

Emotionally

Today was quite the emotional day for me. It occurred to me that a huge part of vacations for me is the food. When I go on a vacation it is my excuse to eat whatever I want and I enjoy going out to eat. Being on a juice feast takes that all away so I was feeling pretty bad. I was crabby when I had to leave the family to go make my juice and then I was wallowing in self pity when my family all went out for pizza without me. It was my decision because I couldn't bear the thought of watching them all eat but I still managed to feel sorry for myself.

Cravings
Um, where to I begin? Everything I saw I wanted. French fries, pizza, sandwiches, pretzels, dried fruit, carrots, tomatoes, bagels... the list goes on and on.

Trash Bag Tango
None

Meditation
None

Ramblings

It was a hectic day that began first thing in the morning. I got up early to prepare all my juices and then I had to pack up. We wanted to leave by 8:00am so I had to hurry. We left about 20 minutes late but that was OK.

It was raining really hard and there was this thick fog like pea soup. It was slow driving but we managed. When we were about 30 minutes away from our destination, it started snowing really hard. The visibility was down to nothing and the snow was coming down faster than they could get it shoveled off. We slowed down and it ended up taking us an hour to travel that last 30 minutes. We didn't care, we were just so glad to get there.

We got settled in and the kids couldn't wait to go swimming. I was in a bit of a mood that I was trying to snap out of. I managed to cheer up after getting some juice in me.

We ended up knowing some people there. They just happened to be vacationing at the same time as us. I was a bit freaked out at first because I HATE for people to see me in my swimsuit. I especially hate it if it is a male friend of my husband. I get this feeling like I don't make my husband proud and I should look better for him. I know this is completely my issue because he could care less. We even talked about it.

I was glad for the opportunity to deal with it from an open place. I have to say that I was still a bit uncomfortable but I was very proud of myself. Normally I would have refused to take my cover-up off so I would also refuse to go in the water or have any fun. I decided to hell with it, I will just do it. I went down the water slide with my hubby and 2 little guys and it was fun. We also hung out in the hot tub and the hubby and I had a nice chat.